Saturday, December 17, 2016

O Larua!

Greetings! My name is Rosa and I'm here to welcome you to the exciting and rewarding realm of the uneasy dead. This is what happens when you get a bad haircut, folks. You die of complete and utter shame. But enough about me. Being dead isn't the end. Follow me and see for yourself!!

 That's my hubby Max. A constant fixture around the old homestead, he loves nothing more than building snowmen and raiding the fridge. You too will be able to mold and manipulate solid stuff. It's always better to sneak out from the grave at night. Our relatives have a weird hang-up with us being around during the day.
On the other hand, death does have weird hang-ups of its own. You may find yourself a little peckish from time to time for the nastiest foods imaginable. Hubby likes his salad fresh and his hot dogs well-grilled but not me. One night I just had the worst craving for week-old goat cheese... yeah. You may want a sick bucket nearby if you want me to go on. You don't? For all our sakes, thank you.
Don't get me wrong - I like my silky coffin lining but some of us remember our old beds and the like. You may want to sneak upstairs and have a nap once in a while. Expect to get some static from your relatives if they catch you.
The best part of death? You can keep hanging out in your relatives' pool even after you've died. Remember that old jerk Mr. Tub? He'll leave you alone! And the best part; you can swim all night if you want. You'll never get tired and you'll never run out of breath if you dunk! Bonus!
There's the more traditional ghost stuff you can do as well but if your relatives are ghost-savvy that sort of thing will get boring pretty quickly. Make snowmen! Jump in the pool! Gross yourself out at the bin! It's all waiting for you; here in the afterlife!

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Under One Roof

 "Good morning, babe! Uh, I can barely hear you. What was that? I'm a waste of time? What do you mean by that? Oh. Michelle messed up space and time. Well, where are you then? And why can't I hear you that well?"
 "Yes! It is Michelle that has the tele-thingie! Her witch pals decided to have some fun with the house so we're stuck six hours in the past. She won't give it to me so I'm stuck with the new-fangled phone-thingie." Would you give it to me already, Michelle? He muttered as the old woman chattered merrily away.
 "She better not be doing anything remotely close to any thingie! What? Oh, she's trying to call her witch pals.Can they fix time and space and get you guys back here?" Brooke sighed despondently. This is what happened when your landlady was friends with the occult element.
 "Hey! Good news, angel!" Connor said, now much clearer with the dish in his hand. "The witches are in the basement with their spell-books. Hopefully they're fixing everything and turning Michelle into a toad."
Suddenly, there was a flash of lightning and the sickly sweet stench of death. "Uh, I think something messed up downstairs, angel."
"What do you mean? Wait! What am I doing in my party dress? This was from last night!" Brooke looked behind her to see Connor with a relieved smile on his face. "You mean to say the witches brought me back six hours instead of you guys forward?"
"I think so." He said. "However, I think something went wrong."
"It did." A sad voice rasped. "Anyone for a funeral?"

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Nothing is Absolute?

Warning! If you are burdened with darkness and looking for a way out PLEASE talk to someone! You are worthy of all the love and respect life has to give you and the good times will come back.

      Suicide is in the darker grey area of topics for discussion. Many religions consider it an abuse of free will and an insult to life and as a result suicides are considered to be outside the 'blessed places', if you will. Like everything, suicide is a decision that sows karma - in this case, of the negative version - that may very well likely send one down a few notches in the next life. No matter where you look, suicide for any reason is a bad decision. For a long time I considered this to be 100% truth, absolutely. Then I met Sydney Carton and my steel wall took a hit.
     Sydney Carton was a burned-out lawyer in Charles Dickens' England and France in the seminal 'A tale of two cities'. One of his few redeeming qualities, by his own evaluation, was that he was friends with Charles Darnay, whom he respected immensely. When Darnay fell afoul of the French Revolution and was ordered to spend time with Madame Guillotine, Carton saw his chance to save his friend's life and future and give himself a chance at karmic brownie points. With his final words, "It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known." Sydney Carton goes to his destiny with a clear conscience and a contented heart.
     But this is a fictional character, one might insist. What else have I? It wasn't until recently that I started reading up on seppuku - the act wherein the samurai disembowels himself in a final act of sacrifice to honour his lord. This year I read Andrew Rankin's incredible book 'Seppuku: a history of samurai suicide'. The act of seppuku is ancient and far more elaborate than I expected. A very detailed account of a most gruesome way to die. When the samurai commits himself to dying he does it with all his mind, heart, and skill. There can be no doubts or second-guessing.
     Pretty similar to Mr. Carton's decision, isn't it? Of course I can't stop at just one book on even this very dark topic. Of late I've been reading about the kamikaze - Japan's desperate 'divine wind' that was to eradicate the U.S. aircraft carriers during WWII. I recommend Emiko Ohnuki-Tierney's 'Kamikaze diaries' and Maxwell Taylor Kennedy's 'Danger's hour' if you would like to read up on it a bit. The latter inspired me to write this post. Not the same situation as the samurais were in. Unlike them, the kamikaze were young men ordered to destroy themselves and their planes as a way to take some of the U.S. soldiers with them. Based on the recovered diaries from some of these pilots not all of them went to their deaths with a completely clear conscience. Nevertheless, they carried out their missions and the emperor was obeyed. All for nothing.
     These books I recently read slammed against my steel wall of absolutes even harder. Suicide is still a bad decision but if one goes to it with a completely clear mind and conscience, are the consequences lessened? Like most things involving the afterlife, we cannot really know. And what of soldiers who die in battle? They know they may have to make the ultimate sacrifice - just like the samurai and the kamikaze did years ago. It's a matter of perspective, I guess. Meanwhile, my journey of exploration will most likely continue. This is an unfinished and completely unpolished conversation.

    I hope to have some more Sims stuff for you but not for a bit. If I don't post anything else until the new year, have a wonderful Xmas.

Sunday, November 6, 2016

Seeking Peace (on 100 yuan a day)

Michelle was still feeling raw from the beating her heart took over Connor's betrayal so she hopped a plane to Takemizu. The hotel was opulent and her room a delight but still she hungered. Hungered for... something.
 At a roadside shop in a lovely garden of cherry blossoms Michelle experienced the finest pork udon soup. The broth was so fragrant and the noodles were so delightful that she felt herself transported to a land of insights and wonders.
 Waking up with a sudden start from her udon dream Michelle found herself before a weathered shrine of stone and wood. She knelt to pay her respects and make an offering and felt... well, it wasn't a peaceful shower of love and hope.
 During a lull between tours she was invited to partake in the sacred tea ceremony. The tea was warm and soothing and the wisdom shared around the table was something she would take home with her and savour for years to come.
On her return Michelle felt happier and more aware of the world around her. She also took a moment to have a chat with one of her neighbours. It turned out that one of her tea partners had seen her neighbour up in a tree over the shrine. With his pants down. Well, baby steps.

The End

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Love's Twisted Progression

  It never runs smoothly, does it? When we last left off Michelle's fascination with love continued to lead her astray. She'd broken it off with Brooke after that last nightmare but Connor continued to fascinate her. One afternoon she came upstairs to investigate a leaky faucet and discovered something far worse.
 Later that evening she caught up with Connor and decided to have a chat with him. He told her to grow up and find someone more her, shall we say, speed.
The conversation went downhill from there.
 Connor had worked it out with Brooke and didn't want to lose her. He had to end it completely with Michelle - no matter what. So he called her every name in the book and likened her makeup to ground-up rabbit turds.
 Finally he let fly with the nastiest onion breath in the whole Valley. Surely this would drive her away.
The welt on his cheek and the ensuing concussion were worth it.

Michelle decided she needed a bit of a holiday from her tenants and from love in general. Otherwise she knew she'd be tempted to smack him again.

The End?

Saturday, October 15, 2016

What Happened at Zomb Inc.'s Pool Party

 As CEO and President-for-Afterlife it's an honour to announce that Zomb Incorporated just had a pool party to celebrate our brightest luminaries and hardest workers. Here we see Head Sales Rep Bob Deadmore enjoying his successful year in our east Yourtown office. Doesn't that water feel nice, Bob?
 What's the matter, Sheila? Don't be shy! Take a leap in just like you did when you leapt from veggies to fruit trees this year. Record destruction levels - highest record ever for our central office. We're proud of you, Sheila!
 Oh, and here's Paula Rotting in Maintenance. Come on, Paula! This isn't the time for worrying about your back! It's time to dive in and enjoy yourself! Looks like Paula made herself a friend too. Good thing cats don't like water.
 Here's Bob chatting with Paula and Gwen. Looks like Paula's getting ready to join him. Gwen's on our south office board of directors in Yourtown. All those ruined tomato patches and wrecked money trees? Yeah, that was our Gwen.
The party was going great until Earl in Shipping noticed a few warm patches in the pool. Then one of the cats left a gift for him. It wasn't long after that that we heard sirens. So yeah, this pool didn't belong to Gwen like she said. It actually belonged to some very angry plant fiends. So we had to end the party early. Better luck next time, folks!

Murray Dead

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Bush Telegraph Today

 "This is Hot Momma. Hot Momma coming at you from the depths of suburbia. What's your handle? Over."
 "This is Space Cadet, Hot Momma. What's the scuttlebutt by your place, Hot Momma? Over."
 "Bad news for my buddy Jane, Space Cadet. Her ma and pa went on permanent vacation with Grimmie. Over."
  "Grimmie? He's a scary dude, Hot Momma. Is she okay? Did Grimmie kill her parents? Is Grimmie gonna kill her? Over."
  "She's fine, Space Cadet. Wait a minute. Is that you, Hannah? Over."
 "There's nobody named Hannah here, Hot Momma. I'm Space Cadet. Over and under."
 "That's over and out, Space Cadet. What did I tell you about messing around on the radio, Hannah? This is an 18 rated channel. Over."
 "Come on, great-aunt Michelle! I've got some scuttlebutt for you! Really, I promise! Good scuttlebutt! Please let me stay? Over."
 "All right but it better be good scuttlebutt, Space Cadet. If it isn't I'm taking away the radio from you until you're eighty. Over."
  "The DeSotos got married, Hot Momma! Austin told me he saw them kissing. It really gross him out, Hot Momma. Over."
  "That's great news, Space Cadet. Austin just needs to grow up a little and he'll start to like kissing. What else do you have for me, Space Cadet? Over."
  "Hot Momma, is the view at the DeSoto house really nice? Over."
  "No different than the view at our house. Why do you ask, Space Cadet? Over."
  "Because Austin said his dad likes his stepmom's view very much. He told me his dad looks at it all the time. He said it's a nice valley. They don't live in a valley. Over."
 "Okay, Space Cadet. You aren't allowed to hang out with Austin until you're eighty. And stop whining. I can't believe he told you that! Now get off the line and go to your room. Honestly, the next time you get on the line behind my back at least do it in a different room! Over and out!"

The end. Over.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Mathews Clan - Beach Style

  Rosa and Maximus felt a longing for sand between their toes. They stocked the beater with summer dealies and their little Chelsey and went to the beach. Three hours of gravel roads, sicky tummies, and boredom but it was worth it. The lake was especially gorgeous today.
   Maximus watched and played with Chelsey while Rosa went for a long swim. Then it was Max's turn while Rosa broke out the dogs. Chelsey chilled nearby with her teddy and giggled like anything to see such quantities of sand.
   Maximus returned and fed Chelsey while Rose put the finishing touches on the hot dogs. They ate and discussed the finer points of Oscar Meyer with great relish. Then they retreated to the beach and made sandcastles until the sun began a descent.
  No one like to say goodbye to the beach - especially after such a lovely day but there was a long trip still ahead. Rosa and Max packed up the car again while Chelsey waved and laughed at the setting sun.

The End

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Not Processing Very Well

         No silly stories right now. I have a couple of ideas but they will have to wait for later. My dad was admitted to the hospital last week because he was having a hard time breathing. They put him on oxygen and he stayed like that until today. He passed away early this morning. This was not expected (is it ever?). My Mom, sister, and brother-in-law came to see me around 5 this morning with the news.

       Here is a picture of my parents. That bearded dude on the right was my Dad. We're not processing too well right now. I thought I should post something on here. That or scream my f---ing brains out. I may have a longer post before long talking about Dad in greater detail.
       Sleep well, Dad.

Friday, August 19, 2016

Clash of Hearts

Funny emotion, love. It can work wonders and bring people close together. This is the story of a young couple and of their wild journey through love's darker precincts. To save money for their own house they moved into the second floor of an old brick house run by a nice older couple - the Kosmokos.
 Mr. Kosmokos was a retired sports star while his wife was a stay-at-home mom. Their two children were in college and the house seemed so empty. While Mr. K jogged several times a day Mrs. K found... other... ways to enjoy her time.
Naturally, it was only a matter of time before Brooke caught her husband in the act. But wait! This is more than a mere love triangle.
 Mrs. K had a little-known secret - one husband and nine (count'em) lovers. And Brooke's hubby Connor wasn't the only lover on the lot, it turned out.
 Feeling vindictive about being caught by her lovers with her husband Mrs. K laid the whole scheme out to Connor. The sheer enormity of how badly he'd been betrayed was enough to wreck his mind.
Her job done Mrs. K left the unhappy couple alone to pick up the pieces.

The End

Thursday, August 4, 2016

We're Adding Value at Zomb Incorporated

Hello and good day! I'm Murray Dead, CEO and President-for-Afterlife of Zomb Incoporated. Our company specializes in wandering around during a full moon, scaring people, and battling the evil forces of plant life. Zomb Inc. is proud to represent the more than 5000 zombies of Yourtown.
The 2016 year has been quite profitable for Zomb Inc. Our scare ratio has increased by 40%, healthy gardens are down by 60%, and customers are extremely pleased with our efforts. It's your comments that we live for and we are constantly grateful to be able to supply you with destroyed gardens and terrified people.
But it hasn't always been easy. We've had to work hard to improve our quality, speed our deliveries, and developing more destroyed plants to meet our customers' needs. Adding value to our product. As they say, it's tough at the top but the result is worth the effort.
Our most diligent workers receive fantastic reward packages. Comfort is our watchword; be it for our customers or for our workers. From our entry level to our board of directors, everyone is eligible to comfort and relaxation.
We have just opened four new offices in Sometown and are looking for bright, inquisitive workers. Zomb Inc. welcomes everyone. Just present your resume at our head office in central Yourtown and get ready for a great new adventure in plant conversion and shambling!

Monday, July 18, 2016

An Old Woman's Words

Chelsea was known far and wide as the wisest woman in a tracksuit. One afternoon as she held court at the local spa the young women of the community came in humble supplication. She sat with them in the hot tub, sky-clad as was her custom, and shared the wisdom of her life with them.
"Cultivate family. They may be lovers, friends, children, or anyone you hold dear and holds you dear in return. Stand by them when they need you and lean on them when you need to. There may be times you feel yourself drifting - that is when you must strengthen the family bonds until you are rooted mountain-deep. Even a few words may do it."
 "Do not fear the unknown or failure. We all start off somewhere and sometimes we end up there again and again. Sometimes we must risk looking like a fool in front of those we love best. True friends will look beyond your missteps and will help you find your way again."
 "Enjoy what life brings you. Even the simplest pleasures - like a neighbour's music or the smile on a child's face - will light up your soul beyond the brightness of the sun. You will have these simple pleasures to hold when life's lemons are especially sour."
"Thank you for spending time with me, friends. Now the water's pruning me something awful so why don't we adjourn to the next room for further refreshment? I understand they've made us some big pitchers of lemonade. Thank you again and have a wonderful day."