Sunday, January 1, 2017

Enrichment at Zomb Inc.

 Hello. I'm Dr. Necrosis. As a member of Zomb Incorporated's empowerment team, I host enrichment workshops for middle management. Are you feeling sick and tired? Feeling like you're just a rotting cog on the gibbet of life? We all go through that.
 You aren't alone. Talk to someone about what's troubling you. A family member, a trusted co-worker, or your doctor. Even if there's nothing troubling you it's better to share your story with people around you. Don't forget your friends, either. They know when you're having a bad day and can help you out.
   Appearance is important. The better you feel, the better you look. Your friends, family, and co-workers can help here as well with any advice on gash and gangrene care. The empowerment team is also on hand with advice and suggestions on various products.
   Keep active! We zombies can handle pretty much any sort of weather so there's no reason to stick around the graveyard. Winter is our slow season, so get out on a frozen pond with a pal and skate the night away. It's exhilarating, good exercise, and guaranteed you'll sleep better when you're done.
  January and February are tough months for our company. Just take the slow season as it comes and remember that the enrichment team at Zomb. Inc. is always on hand to answer any questions you may have. And I am always available to hold a workshop - just give me a call.

Have a wonderfully decrepit New Year!

Saturday, December 17, 2016

O Larua!

Greetings! My name is Rosa and I'm here to welcome you to the exciting and rewarding realm of the uneasy dead. This is what happens when you get a bad haircut, folks. You die of complete and utter shame. But enough about me. Being dead isn't the end. Follow me and see for yourself!!

 That's my hubby Max. A constant fixture around the old homestead, he loves nothing more than building snowmen and raiding the fridge. You too will be able to mold and manipulate solid stuff. It's always better to sneak out from the grave at night. Our relatives have a weird hang-up with us being around during the day.
On the other hand, death does have weird hang-ups of its own. You may find yourself a little peckish from time to time for the nastiest foods imaginable. Hubby likes his salad fresh and his hot dogs well-grilled but not me. One night I just had the worst craving for week-old goat cheese... yeah. You may want a sick bucket nearby if you want me to go on. You don't? For all our sakes, thank you.
Don't get me wrong - I like my silky coffin lining but some of us remember our old beds and the like. You may want to sneak upstairs and have a nap once in a while. Expect to get some static from your relatives if they catch you.
The best part of death? You can keep hanging out in your relatives' pool even after you've died. Remember that old jerk Mr. Tub? He'll leave you alone! And the best part; you can swim all night if you want. You'll never get tired and you'll never run out of breath if you dunk! Bonus!
There's the more traditional ghost stuff you can do as well but if your relatives are ghost-savvy that sort of thing will get boring pretty quickly. Make snowmen! Jump in the pool! Gross yourself out at the bin! It's all waiting for you; here in the afterlife!