Sunday, January 29, 2017

A Man With Reason to be Cross

 2016 ended badly for Allan Dowdy. His best friend, lover, and roommate of thirty years passed away between Festivus Night and New Year's Eve. Had it not been for his beloved son August, Allan would have been quite content to lock himself in the coffin and never see the moon again.
 But August was still very much young and helpless and Allan knew he had responsibilities to the boy. In early January August and his father celebrated his third birthday. That was about all Allan felt he could handle.
 So many questions. So much worry. "Am I being a good dad? When will losing her stop hurting? Why haven't they found the cure for cancer yet? Why is there mustard down there? Why am I not doing this in my own bathroom?" So many dreams assailed his slumber as well.
 One recurring dream was of the hot summer day he flipped off some African honey bees. The ensuing carnage was unspeakable and the wounds took weeks to heal. Even now, in the silent immensity of winter's chill, he could still hear the terrifying droning in his sleep.
 Cop chases, bloodthirsty guard dogs, and getaway cars that died on the road - it all made for a pretty stressful job scene. Not to mention having a crew boss that would sell you out for pocket change. There were times Allan would be in his coffin, fast asleep, only to wake up naked before a strange mirror in a bathroom with no idea how he'd gotten there.
It was all too much to bear sometimes. Were it not for his boy and for the wild waves, life would be an endless misery for him. Early one cloudy morning, Allan left August with a trusted neighbour and went for a ride on the water. Shredding the swells made him feel good. He knew he'd make it.

The End.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Profile: Allan Dowdy

 Meet Allan Dowdy. A confident father of three who likes nothing better than riding the waves on his trusty windsurfer. Today the weather was great and the water called, so he suited up and left the kids with the sitter.
 Oh yeah, and he's a vampire. His day-trips on the water don't last very long and it's a pain getting a sitter who will watch the tykes all night. Lucky for him that he's a well-respected man in the community.
 Did I mention he's also a criminal? Luckily it's just low-level stuff but there was that one time when he was locked up for a month following his crimes against fashion. But he doesn't let the stress get to him at all. He's very thorough in keeping himself clean and proper in his other dealings.
 Okay, that's going a bit far, Allan. (Could someone shift the camera or changed the slide, please?)
The life of a blue-skinned opportunistic vampiric wave-rider is fraught with danger and excitement. But, as you can see, Allan's also a devoted family man who just likes to stay home on Sundays and read the paper.

The End?

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Enrichment at Zomb Inc.

 Hello. I'm Dr. Necrosis. As a member of Zomb Incorporated's empowerment team, I host enrichment workshops for middle management. Are you feeling sick and tired? Feeling like you're just a rotting cog on the gibbet of life? We all go through that.
 You aren't alone. Talk to someone about what's troubling you. A family member, a trusted co-worker, or your doctor. Even if there's nothing troubling you it's better to share your story with people around you. Don't forget your friends, either. They know when you're having a bad day and can help you out.
   Appearance is important. The better you feel, the better you look. Your friends, family, and co-workers can help here as well with any advice on gash and gangrene care. The empowerment team is also on hand with advice and suggestions on various products.
   Keep active! We zombies can handle pretty much any sort of weather so there's no reason to stick around the graveyard. Winter is our slow season, so get out on a frozen pond with a pal and skate the night away. It's exhilarating, good exercise, and guaranteed you'll sleep better when you're done.
  January and February are tough months for our company. Just take the slow season as it comes and remember that the enrichment team at Zomb. Inc. is always on hand to answer any questions you may have. And I am always available to hold a workshop - just give me a call.

Have a wonderfully decrepit New Year!