Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Love's Twisted Progression

  It never runs smoothly, does it? When we last left off Michelle's fascination with love continued to lead her astray. She'd broken it off with Brooke after that last nightmare but Connor continued to fascinate her. One afternoon she came upstairs to investigate a leaky faucet and discovered something far worse.
 Later that evening she caught up with Connor and decided to have a chat with him. He told her to grow up and find someone more her, shall we say, speed.
The conversation went downhill from there.
 Connor had worked it out with Brooke and didn't want to lose her. He had to end it completely with Michelle - no matter what. So he called her every name in the book and likened her makeup to ground-up rabbit turds.
 Finally he let fly with the nastiest onion breath in the whole Valley. Surely this would drive her away.
The welt on his cheek and the ensuing concussion were worth it.

Michelle decided she needed a bit of a holiday from her tenants and from love in general. Otherwise she knew she'd be tempted to smack him again.

The End?

Saturday, October 15, 2016

What Happened at Zomb Inc.'s Pool Party

 As CEO and President-for-Afterlife it's an honour to announce that Zomb Incorporated just had a pool party to celebrate our brightest luminaries and hardest workers. Here we see Head Sales Rep Bob Deadmore enjoying his successful year in our east Yourtown office. Doesn't that water feel nice, Bob?
 What's the matter, Sheila? Don't be shy! Take a leap in just like you did when you leapt from veggies to fruit trees this year. Record destruction levels - highest record ever for our central office. We're proud of you, Sheila!
 Oh, and here's Paula Rotting in Maintenance. Come on, Paula! This isn't the time for worrying about your back! It's time to dive in and enjoy yourself! Looks like Paula made herself a friend too. Good thing cats don't like water.
 Here's Bob chatting with Paula and Gwen. Looks like Paula's getting ready to join him. Gwen's on our south office board of directors in Yourtown. All those ruined tomato patches and wrecked money trees? Yeah, that was our Gwen.
The party was going great until Earl in Shipping noticed a few warm patches in the pool. Then one of the cats left a gift for him. It wasn't long after that that we heard sirens. So yeah, this pool didn't belong to Gwen like she said. It actually belonged to some very angry plant fiends. So we had to end the party early. Better luck next time, folks!

Murray Dead

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Bush Telegraph Today

 "This is Hot Momma. Hot Momma coming at you from the depths of suburbia. What's your handle? Over."
 "This is Space Cadet, Hot Momma. What's the scuttlebutt by your place, Hot Momma? Over."
 "Bad news for my buddy Jane, Space Cadet. Her ma and pa went on permanent vacation with Grimmie. Over."
  "Grimmie? He's a scary dude, Hot Momma. Is she okay? Did Grimmie kill her parents? Is Grimmie gonna kill her? Over."
  "She's fine, Space Cadet. Wait a minute. Is that you, Hannah? Over."
 "There's nobody named Hannah here, Hot Momma. I'm Space Cadet. Over and under."
 "That's over and out, Space Cadet. What did I tell you about messing around on the radio, Hannah? This is an 18 rated channel. Over."
 "Come on, great-aunt Michelle! I've got some scuttlebutt for you! Really, I promise! Good scuttlebutt! Please let me stay? Over."
 "All right but it better be good scuttlebutt, Space Cadet. If it isn't I'm taking away the radio from you until you're eighty. Over."
  "The DeSotos got married, Hot Momma! Austin told me he saw them kissing. It really gross him out, Hot Momma. Over."
  "That's great news, Space Cadet. Austin just needs to grow up a little and he'll start to like kissing. What else do you have for me, Space Cadet? Over."
  "Hot Momma, is the view at the DeSoto house really nice? Over."
  "No different than the view at our house. Why do you ask, Space Cadet? Over."
  "Because Austin said his dad likes his stepmom's view very much. He told me his dad looks at it all the time. He said it's a nice valley. They don't live in a valley. Over."
 "Okay, Space Cadet. You aren't allowed to hang out with Austin until you're eighty. And stop whining. I can't believe he told you that! Now get off the line and go to your room. Honestly, the next time you get on the line behind my back at least do it in a different room! Over and out!"

The end. Over.