Thursday, November 26, 2015

Unhappy Hearts (A sad Ficus story)

When she and Regina exchanged rings and passionate embraces Flo never expected to spend her nights alone in a cold bed. Perhaps she should have seen it coming, considering how dedicated Regina was to her job. The adoption plans were in motion and someday Flo would have someone else to cuddle and love.
Regina worked nights; it was as simple as that. Sometimes she was gone all night and came home disheveled and grumpy but Flo understood that. As far as Flo knew, her beloved worked the phones at a brokerage firm uptown and had to keep weird hours. Surely that was the truth... wasn't it?
What Flo couldn't understand was the distrust Regina's sisters and brothers felt toward her. It seemed that whenever she mentioned Regina to them their faces hardened and their mouths clamped shut like traps. They were polite and friendly to a fault with her but they would not talk about Regina with her.
 One afternoon Flo's sister-in-law brought home her new boyfriend. Aldus was every inch a southern gent - sexy, witty, and blessed with hands as warm as his heart. Compared to the lonely nights in her cold, cold bed, this was something Flo felt she could get used to.
It was fun - at first. Regina continued to 'work the phones' every night while Flo and Aldus enjoyed each other's company. The rest of the clan just accepted this turn of events as just another skeleton they needed to keep buried in their gargantuan vault. All save one member of the clan.
Robyn could see the slow change these enjoyments were having on Aldus and decided she needed to move quickly to keep them from becoming permanent. The rest of the clan admitted she could have made her move in a much less conspicuous fashion.

To Be Continued...?

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Officer Ficus's Greatest Mission

The alarm went off at Intrepid HQ. There was something rotten happening in the world. Captain Bloomers ran the numbers and determined the best agent for the job.
The call went out to... Officer Ficus; the paragon of policemen, the most valiant of vampires, and the most ramrod of bareback riders.
 "Supervillain King Nut spotted near Little Pyramid. Officer Ficus, you are hereby commanded to report to your contact in Al Simhara and bring the villain to justice. This message will need to be recycled."
Officer Ficus kissed his secretary goodbye and set off for the airport.
 Arriving in a small town west of Little Pyramid Officer Ficus found his contact. The dastardly supervillain had escaped into the pyramid and had barricaded himself behind a wall of sarcophagi. Officer Ficus donned his zinc oxide lotion and went to the Little Pyramid.
 After some thought and study Officer Ficus recalled that King Nut was of a fastidious nature and despised a messy floor. He got to work executing his plan. Soon the terrible supervillain came clamouring out from his refuge to rage over the abominable mess on his foyer.
 After a nasty exchange of curses the mummy chased Vampire Cop out into the sun, hoping to destroy him. The blazing heat quickly consumed the supervillain and that was the end of King Nut's reign of terror. He was buried in a small plasmafruit garden in Al Simhara.
Back home it was nearly Festivus and Officer Ficus, armed with a shiny medal and tons of accolades, returned home. That night the plasma flowed freely.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Malevolent Hydrology

Good evening. On the last episode we discussed the frightening Mr. Tub and his gang of hydrological terrors. Tonight we shift our focus to a cousin species with its own horrors. Tonight we focus on... the pool!
 (Geez guys! How many times do I have to tell you? Wrong kind of pool!) Sound of slides being shifted in the machine (Where is it! Here, pass it here! Hurry!)
 As I was saying, the pool is as much of a threat to hydrophobes as the tub is. In this slide we see a terrified young man - his hair's turned green he's so scared - one of the pool's traditional victims.
 But many pools have certain extraordinary powers beyond the reach of tubs. Here we see two more victims. Witness reports say that they were human before they entered the pool. As you can see, they have been changed into dogs. Luckily the effect wore off within hours.

 For others the damage is merely to the dignity. This unfortunate fellow entered the water and five seconds later his trunks went missing. This was probably a more playful version of the species.
 This capricious behaviour makes the pool into less of a danger and more of a fun time for the hardier, braver sort. This young lady, as you can see, fearlessly slides into the mysterious depths.

This concludes tonight's episode. Remember that the pool, like the tub, can be a dangerous time if you aren't prepared. It's best to be prepared like this young lady just in case you find yourself dealing with... Malevolent Hydrology.