Tuesday, November 30, 2010

not a lot to say

The weather has been cold enough to convince me I need to plug my car in. Trying to work through a bunch of Bronte books. Finished up 'Jane Eyre' (why do I keep forgetting that it ends happily for Jane and her Rochester?) and am spending time in the town of Villette with Lucy Snowe and everyone else she encounters. Trying to finish up with New Order this evening and will follow up with Enigma. Lately I have not had a lot to say; neither have I maintained much of an online presence beyond lurking. Something to make me seem even more ephemeral than usual. Reminds me of the R.E.M. song 'Disappear'. Been thinking about impermanence more than usual as well. Was there ever a time when I thought I was invulnerable? Nothing like it has come up during searches through past diaries. I keep running through 'what if' scenarios these days. "What if I drop dead while at work?" I guess the corpse I'll leave behind won't care much what happens once the essence moves on, and I doubt the essence won't care once it moves on, either. So why should I care all that much now?
For someone constantly beset with raging anxieties, this is a pretty interesting statement. Speaking of diaries, I'm revisiting my Red Book (RRC years). Tons of turmoil and new discoveries to be found in those pages. Awakenings and epiphanies, one might say. It's too soon for me to save the Red Book to computer file. That's about all I have for the time being. BYE.

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