Wry Zone

More adult perspectives on middle school

2011-11-06T18:56:00.000-08:00

Years and years ago, when I was in school, I went to French Immersion from K to 12, and when I was growing up and kids transferred to other schools, at the back of my mind I assumed that they had dropped out. I was being self-centered, but given my limited experience, I couldn't think any other way. If you left the school you were no longer part of the world my classmates and I knew. Since I got into the school system as an adult, I know that kids get transferred to other schools and other school divisions all the time, and for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it's the quality of the education, sometimes it's due to bullying, sometimes the other school is just closer to home. There are many reasons why a child goes to a different school from grade to grade, or halfway through the year. The school I work at is half English, half French Immersion. It's the only French Immersion middle school in the division, and I got to thinking this evening about that.
I come from a Francais background, so it wasn't that hard to do my 13 years of FI. I got to talking in June with one of the French teachers I work with, about one of the Eights in their class who was going on to Grade Nine at the high school. The student had struggled through French and was now going on to even more French. A sibling who is now in Grade Eleven had struggled as well, and had crossed over into English because French was too difficult, and there was a possibility that this student would end up crossing over as well before long. This evening I got to thinking about my own experience in a purely French Immersion school and what probably happened to students in similar situations. The closest English high school wasn't far away, but where friends are concerned, that school could've been half a world away.
Given all this, the kids who go to the dual-track high school are perhaps luckier than they realize. If they're struggling with French and need to cross over, at least they'll still have their friends close by. Perhaps not in the same classes, but at least they'll see them at lunch and during spares. This seems like a pretty unique situation to me, for if they were going to the schools I've been to, they would have transferred and perhaps not seen many of their friends again until college or university, if that.
I know that I do not blog as often as I once did, and I apologize for that. However, nobody reads my blog, so no harm, right? BYE.

I am so sorry

2011-10-10T09:35:00.000-07:00

I have not posted anything in about a month. With work, gaming, and the rest of the trivial day-to-day that makes up this rich pageant we call life, blogging kind of fell by the wayside. Well, something happened the other day that got me thinking. It's nothing really big, but I decided it would be better here in my blog where nobody will look than in my diary, where somebody will eventually decipher my squishy scrawl and read all my blasphemies. Anyway, I'm on several fora (I think that's the plural of forum) and one of the fora has been fraught with drama of late. The other day, one of the members opened a nice little can of disapproving worms over the actions of another member. This member had been absent from posting for some time, but maintained their presence in a way the first member did not approve of. Now there's a jolly little row happening in the forum and I really want no part of it. In a couple of days I may return to the forum and see what's happened. I don't think anyone is going to get banned for what happened, but if it escalates, feelings could be hurt worse than they already are and more drama may lie ahead. Makes me wonder why I decided to come out of my shell in the first place and join these fora.
Anyway, this whole matter started when one person was irritated and posted their thoughts in such a way as to be publicly offensive. Then the other person retaliated with their own thoughts. This squabble filled my thoughts last night as I was falling asleep and I thought. "It's not what was said but how it was said." This understanding woke a memory in me. I've made the same mistake in the past and was nicely reprimanded for it. Now, if I have something to say I say it privately with the person instead of dragging it out for the world to hear. This is what the person in the forum should've done. Take up the matter over a private message to the other. Why stir up stuff with a stick and cause so much gnashing of teeth? I have a thought or to as to why this person went public with their frustrations. Perhaps they thought some public shame would be good for the other person. Hard to say.
It didn't work, as other members came forth with their own accusations launched at the first person. More retaliation followed. Anyway, I'm taking a break for a couple of days from that forum to let the fires die down. Hopefully they will and things will be happy and silly once again, for normally the place is top-notch with quality conversation. That's all I have to say about this whole mess. Well, I'm feeling a little better. And since nobody reads this blog, there's nothing to worry about. Maybe this long post will kick-start in me the urge to blog more. That would be good, right? BYE.

10 years ago #4

2011-09-14T15:02:00.000-07:00

September 13, 2001, morning
Time for an entry of quotes and musings. The first quote is the very last of Lord Byron for a while. I know that this quote has nothing to do with the horrors the U.S. has suffered, but I have to record it. I thought it a beautiful and interesting quote. “…the symbols of the Invisible are the loveliest of what is visible…” I was going to spend some time dwelling upon this quote, but I think other matters should overrule. This next quote, while I admit is also nothing in connection with that happened, I feel that I need to record it. This quote says it all for me. “Describe Him as you will […] and you will find them all hidden and contained in this little word: is.” I will explain much later. Now, this quote (the third and final one for the day) can be found in my “A Dictionary of Superstitions”. Maybe it too has nothing to do with what happened, but I thought is was a good quote. “It is accounted very unlucky for a wedding to meet a funeral. In fact meeting a funeral is no good omen at anytime.” Now, the other day, we were all saturated by reports of the heartless attacks in NYC and Washington. Yesterday, people began moving, crying, and looking for someone to blame. So far, the Middle East (Muslims, in particular) is being blamed. The terrorist side says that the United States of America had it coming. Perhaps this is true, but so many innocent people were slaughtered. The body count is still uncertain. Politics and religion; all makes for a grim game. George W. Bush has declared war upon the unknown mastermind, and there are Palestinians dancing in the streets. Would Allah truly want this? Nothing is certain in these troubled times. O Presence, come and protect us. Amen. SYS.

9th graders give hugs?

2011-09-07T18:01:00.000-07:00

Today, some brand-new 9th graders (previously 8th graders the staff said goodbye to at the close of June), paid me a visit at work and did the unthinkable. They hugged their librarian. It's funny, but I never thought I made as good an impression as all that on them. I'm assuming they'd hug their teachers but me? Needless to say, I drove home with a lightness in my being that was not there before. There are some students you never think are going to come away from a library period thinking 'hey, she's all right' and consistently think that enough that you become someone special to them. They had their first day of high school today and were probably looking forward to visiting their old middle school for some comforting thoughts. Their statement about high school was that it was 'SCARY'. Yes, I remember being uneasy about starting 9th grade myself. New teachers, new school, new experiences, and new acquaintances. And yet, for me, high school was my favourite part of the 13 years I was at school. I don't think I'm alone in thinking this.
Tomorrow is my last day with wrestling with the laminator for a few days. I've been consistently feeding things into that creaking contraption and on Friday I rest. Things are looking up at work, what with the file I've been impatiently waiting for finally on the verge of coming in. Maybe tomorrow I'll get some more visitors. Not holding my breath but it would be nice. On the literary level, I just finished reading Yeats' 'Mythologies'. A very good read about concepts I've never thought to consider as mythology but they probably can be considered as such. Stories telling of the Faery world, of certain esoteric orders, and other interesting concepts. If I ever read it again, I think I'll try and get a newer copy, as the one I had smelled of age, and you know what that smell does to me. Not a good thing.
My next adventure concerns 'The myth of Sisyphus' by Camus. Not new ground - I've read it before - but maybe I'll find something new the second time around. BYE.

Amid hunger pangs

2011-09-01T14:53:00.000-07:00

So my locale got some substantial rain last night and I slept right through it. Granted, I like getting a decent night's rest, but I missed what was supposed to be a very good light show. There may be some more rain this evening, and we definitely need this rain. I worked on my library's webpage today but there's lots of work still to do. I know it's something I need to keep updated, but I don't always have the time. That's life. I spent an hour here, an hour there updating the colours and adding blurbs here and there. It's a start. I transplanted another of my poor root-bound plants today at work. I know, it's the wrong season to do it, but I had the time today and I'm pretty sure I won't find the time this spring. Better now when I have some time than later when I don't. Took a break from laminating but I'll be back to that fun and excitement tomorrow. I'm a little annoyed with that bottom roller, but considering the machine is doing what it should, and considering I'm not sure if it is the bottom roller's fault or something I didn't do, I'll just keep chugging along. Last year things were pretty bad until I learned I had screwed something up. One learns something new every day.
On the literary front, I finished reading another study on gothic fiction. No Lovecraft yet graces my borrow shelf, but that is surely coming. The book I just read was a study on Lovecraft, Matheson, and King. Matheson wrote 'I am Legend', which is another book I have yet to read. I may borrow one of these days. I don't know if I consider it an overhyped book, considering nobody's been talking the book or the movie ad nauseam, unlike some books and movies I've heard about. To this day, I have yet to watch 'Titanic', and I pray I never will. I'm not fond of DeCaprio and I loathe that song something fierce. Yeah, I think I'll stay away from that movie for the rest of my days. Now it's time to take up the third part of Piers Anthony's Geodyssey series. I also have the 4th one waiting in the wings. This has been a good series so far. I'm also reading through the Apprentice Adept series. Just need some Xanth to keep things light. I haven't done much lighter fare lately. Maybe the time is coming. It would be a nice change.
The weekend is calling, but I can't pick up the phone for another 21 hours. Maybe I'll play the Sims tonight. Or I'll read some more. Ah, the outstanding life of an embittered spinster.

Holding out for a hero?

2011-08-25T18:44:00.000-07:00

I started reading Joseph Campbell's 'The hero with a thousand faces' yesterday. Stunning and insightful. Campbell explores the archetype of the hero through dreams, through cultures, religious rituals, and all the symbols of the hero he can find. Have you ever come across books that you absolutely knew were just perfect for you at the time. Amazingly, I have had some experiences like that. The right book at the right time; it comes rarely, but it's a wonderful feeling when it does. There are some interesting heroes out in the world of literature, films, and even in the real world. One heroic character that has stuck with me to this day is Prince Lyr, from 'The Last Unicorn'. He and the other characters engage in deconstruction of the hero in one part of the story. He considered himself something of a failed hero before the Unicorn.
Heroes come in all shapes and sizes, from the larger-than-life of King David and Indiana Jones to the doomed-yet-triumphant Sydney Carton. What is it about the hero that is so alluring? Every story needs at least one hero to keep it going. Can someone write a story without having even one hero? Maybe, but not a very engaging story.
Meanwhile, I started back to work today. Very quiet in the library, and it will likely be quiet in the library for while to come, as the kids don't come back until after Labour Day. The weekend is close at hand. I hope to get some more books read. That's all for now. A shorter than usual entry, but I really don't have much to say besides what I have said.

Let's hear it for People!

2011-08-17T06:38:00.000-07:00

In honour of the book (The Chatto book of dissent) I'm currently reading (and because I didn't know the lyrics myself but wanted to know), here are the lyrics to one of my favourite Lennon songs (other favourites being 'Jealous Guy' and 'Nobody told me')

Give Peace a Chance
- John Lennon

Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
Bagism, Shagism, Dragism, Madism, Ragism, Tagism
This-ism, that-ism, ism ism ism
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

(C'mon)
Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
Minister, Sinister, Banisters and Canisters,
Bishops, Fishops, Rabbis, and Pop Eyes, Bye bye, Bye byes
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

(Let me tell you now)
Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
Revolution, Evolution, Masturbation, Flagellation, Regulation,
Integrations, mediations, United Nations, congratulations
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
John and Yoko, Timmy Leary, Rosemary,
Tommy Smothers, Bobby Dylan, Tommy Cooper,
Derek Taylor, Norman Mailer, Alan Ginsberg, Hare Krishna
Hare Hare Krishna
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance
(Repeat 'til the tape runs out)

http://www.absolutelyrics.com/lyrics/view/john_lennon/give_peace_a_chance/ (reposted Aug. 17. 2011)

Lazy Friday Morning

2011-08-12T05:46:00.000-07:00

The rest of the day won't be as lazy, that's for sure. Big anniversary to-do happening tomorrow, and Mom's on the decorating crew. She'll be heading out this evening (possibly) to lend a hand. My sister and I had a plan to entertain the crowd on Saturday, but that plan may get derailed due to an impending cold. I really don't want to go up there alone and perform, so we might not do our song-and-dance. C'est la vie. Meanwhile, I've been getting into matters Satanic with books like 'The Chatto book of the Devil' and 'Satan'. It's important to explore the darker nature once in a while, without acting upon one's darker nature, and Satan is the ultimate Other. As John Wing once said, "And God said let there be Satan so people don't blame everything on Me." Of course, he also said "And God said let there be lawyers so people don't blame everything on Satan." Even the Devil needs help sometimes.
I guess I shouldn't say lazy. More like relaxed. The awesomeness of Ravi Shankar helps to keep things nice and relaxed. I was going to play Sims this morning, but I do have some reading I could be doing. It's not all about the game, you know. Considering how close the school year is now, reading might be a better option for me. I can do my gaming on the weekends like I do when I'm working. Two weeks to go before the school year starts. I guess I'm ready (I'll let you know in a week). I had thought about posting a diary entry from the past, but that can wait for a future entry.
Perhaps I'll post my thoughts from 9/11 this September. Amazing how fast 10 years can pass. There was a time when a decade took forever to pass. Now all it takes is a blink and I'm 10 years older. And things speed up even more the older you get. Okay, enough brooding. There are books out there that need to be read and enjoyed. Time to get further into 'Satan' and his 'history' as it were. Question: if you had a chance to sell your soul, what would your price be? Just remember to read the fine print, because with the Devil, all sales are final. Of course, if you know what to expect going into such an agreement, then winding up a guest in Hell's deadly suburbs shouldn't be a surprise to you.

End's in sight!

2011-08-05T07:59:00.000-07:00

July was a sizzler in Winnipeg this year (a refreshing change from our decade of cold summers) and August looks pretty similar. Apparently this July was the driest one on record, which was a godsend for those surrounded on all sides by sandbags. I don't know how much the dry month helped, but more rain would have ended it for many of those folks. On the other hand, the farmers, who were drowning in May and June, are now crying for rain so their surviving crops might pull through. They walk a tightrope, those farmers, and what happens with them makes a ripple effect in the produce department. Especially if you want to go local with your fruits and veggies. Going local is the big thing, and let's be honest, it makes sense. Anyway, July is behind us and September, that horrid beast, is closing in. Anyone in the school system (students or staff) has begun counting the days until it's Back to School! You can still have fun, but now you feel rushed to get as much fun in as possible.
As for me, I'll need a couple more weeks before I'm ready to switch to my 'work brain'. Right now, my brain keeps thinking it's Saturday, when I know darn well it's Friday. Why my brain wants to think a day ahead I do not know. In the meantime, I've been reading 'A vision' by W.B. Yeats. Through the miracle of 'automatic writing', he has discovered another way to divide people up into varied and dynamic groups. Much like the Enneagram or stuff like that. The only reason I was interested in Yeats was because Loreena McKennitt sang one of his poems. As usual, she did a magnificent job, which got me interested in Yeats and his work. I guess I was looking for more poems and have come up empty for the nonce. I'll just keep looking. After I have finished with this book I'll be looking into Carlos Castaneda. Groovy, man.
August is birthday time for my sister and her boyfriend, so it's time to go gift-hunting! In my own life, I've discovered the wild world of streaming live video. So far I've only commented on other people's streams, but it's a start, right? Maybe someday I'll do my own stream. Just haven't figured it all out yet. Anyway, that's about all for now. BYE.

B-r-r-r-r!

2011-07-28T16:57:00.000-07:00

Ever read something that creeped you right out? I just finished reading a short story by Thomas F. Monteleone that did the trick perfectly. He's a good writer and I'm glad I came across this book, but whew! July is almost over and August beckons. I went and got my car washed today - I should wash my car more often, just to see what kind of dings happened to it over the space of several months. I went to the local Chamois to give my car a very good cleaning. They clean the interior as well, and I was reading that, for a little more, they'll clean the dust and stuff from your motor. Maybe I should get that one day for my car. After all, it's all paid for now. YAY!
The weather around here has been warmer than we're used to, but not unmanageable. There's plenty of water around for folks to water their lawns with. My dad and sister work outside, so they'd probably argue with me about the heat not being unmanageable. After all, I hug the AC in my comfortable little hovel and the only time I go outside is en route to the car, the store, or into my parent's house and enjoy the AC there. I guess I should be complaining about the heat, but considering that we've had a decade of cold summers, I cannot in good conscience complain.
August is a time for birthdays, and I'm getting the gifts ready. There's also an anniversary coming up in my family, so I'm getting ready for that as well. Should be a fun time. I know my entries lately have not been as long as they were in the past, and I honestly have no explanation for that. I'm still writing in my diary and still reading like there was no tomorrow. I'm also still gaming, and I don't think I should record here what games I've been playing or the details of each game. This blog didn't start off as a gaming blog; if anything, it's meant as a reading blog. Perhaps I'll have more to say when I go back to the work at the end of August.
That's about it. BYE.

No pics?

2011-07-20T15:39:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately I cannot get the pics from my phone, so I don't have very much to share with you from my trip to Victoria. Here are some of my thoughts. Gorgeous flowers and plants everywhere; not just at the Butchart Gardens. If our growing season was longer in central Canada, we'd have glorious gardens as well. My earliest impression of Victoria, according to my diary, was that it's a city piled high with trees, expensive real estate, and efficient traffic systems. Well, compared with Winnipeg, that is. We went to Duncan and to Sooke to see what they were all about, we luxuriated in the cooler weather (again, compared with Winnipeg... over 30 degrees every freaking day...), and we looked for a mall (yes, there is one in Victoria, and a nice one as well). We did a great deal of walking as well, since parking in Victoria is expensive. The weather was great for walking in capris and pants. Back home we would've died along the way.
I will probably visit Victoria again one day, as it is a beautiful and friendly place. A fine place to retire to, considering all the retirees we saw. That is about it. There's a chance I will be going to the lake with my favourite travelling companion later on, but probably not for a whole week. I got a fair bit of reading done while we were in B.C. when we weren't walking around and admiring the sights. Most recently I've gotten into Piers Anthony's 'Mode' series. Wryly amusing (like me, perhaps?), thought-provoking, and poignant stuff. There are 4 books in the series and I just finished reading the 2nd book. Onto the 3rd one!
That's been my summer so far. I know this is not a very long post, but I don't have much else to say. BYE.

Diary stuff

2011-07-14T19:26:00.000-07:00

Just letting you know that I landed safely in Winnipeg. Victoria is a beautiful city, and once I've had more time to ponder my adventure, and once I figure out how to get the photos from my phone, I'll post something. For now, time for another blast from the past.

June 6, 1996 (Date Error — probably meant July 6, 1996) — evening
I’m sorry that I haven’t written much since the 28th. Well, here’s a rundown of the things my family and I did during our time in Minneapolis and Wis Dells. (By the by, we are in Duluth, MN, and we are going home on the morrow.) In Minneapolis, we stayed for 3 nights at the Northwest Inn. Very nice. ★★★½. We went to Mall of America. Excellent! Four floors of nothing but shops and resturants (sic)! You’ve never seen so many stores. I just couldn’t believe it! I spent all of my money on things that I couldn’t get at St. Vital. I bought an X-files T-shirt, a simply amazing C.D. of New Age music, some neat shells, a tape (videotape) of Enya’s music videos, (my favourite songs too!) and some accessories for dressing up Venus. I was broke by then, so my parents bought me everything else. You wouldn’t believe the immensity of the Mall of America! Then, it was Valleyfair. Our first ride was the Wave. Anyway,the Wave is a water ride, and you get very, very wet! You see, you get into this carlike thing. (We went at the back.) The machine starts travelling up this steep incline. You start feeling uneasy as you go higher and higher. The machine reaches the level part of the ride, where you stay up there for a few mins. You feel anticipation, because you know that in just a few seconds, you will be drenched by water. Then you start going down, faster and faster. Water starts collecting as you go. I closed my eyes out of fear. Finally, you reach the bottom, where there is a pool of water waiting. As soon as we made contact, the water pressure is so intense that it gets us all wet. The water is also powerful enough that it creates an actual wave, spilling over passer-by! The next ride I truly loved was Thunder Canyon. You go into a circular boat and then you float down rapids and waterfalls! Yes, you do get very wet! I love these rides because it was very hot out that day. Wisconsin Dells was okay too.

Well, ring my bell!

2011-07-01T06:07:00.000-07:00

School's out! My last day for the year was June 30. The admins played 'School's out for summer' over the PA, bringing smiles to all of us. The teachers and admins had a rather rough go of things last week, what with glitches and corrections, and general frustrations, but around 3 yesterday afternoon, we gladly put all that behind us and it was time to party! Actually, we had the party the evening before, which was something of a letdown compared to last year. Plenty of laughs and conversation, but I thought there were just too many people around and, let's be honest, I'm not really big into horse-racing. Hopefully we don't revisit the Downs next year. Certainly, the food was good, but there's more to life than a good buffet. This from a food-lovin' gal, but it's true. I left instructions with the summer custodians on what to do with the plants. Hopefully I don't lose any this year, compared to last year. Speaking of this year, the 8's are gone!!! Not all of them were frustrating, just the ones I encountered on a near-daily basis in the library. The rest of them made for an interesting experience. No doubt I'll have more interesting experiences when the kids come back in September.
Meanwhile, I'm getting things together for the big trip. I probably won't have time to post next week, considering I will be away. Granted, I'll probably have the use of a computer, but when you only have a week to see Victoria and all its glories, who wants to hang around online, plunking words into their blog that nobody reads, anyway? I have gathered together a few good books to read while Mom and I are on the plane. I printed off the important information that will ensure we get on the plane next week. Oops, I just remembered that today is Friday and not Saturday. It feels like a Saturday, but that's the effects of summer vacation. Before long, I'll be relaxed enough to just lie on my futon for hours on end and get some serious reading done.
Oh, and it's CANADA DAY! I should break out the Nylons and listen to their classic take on our national anthem. My favourite when I'm at work and the admins decide to play it over the PA. I found it on Youtube, if anyone's interested. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJI6RE2DK0E . Anyway, our proud yet self-conscious country is 144 years old. Hurrah! I don't have anything planned for today, apart from doing some laundry and getting my stuff together for the trip. The weather looks fairly gloomy, but it should be nicer today than it was yesterday. With that bastard of a Humidex the weather was either 40, 45 or worse. Augh! So that's all for me. When next I post, I should have a few neat stories about Victoria.

Tick... tock... AUGH

2011-06-22T18:09:00.000-07:00

6 days and counting.... I'm listening to New Order this evening and worrying that I'm quickly running out of time before the end of the school year. I need to get everything returned and paid up, and it seems like the kids could not care less. Maybe I'm just getting old in my thinking. Old and pessimistic... wait, I was already pessimistic to begin with... Yeah, I'm doing just fine. Meanwhile, I've done a ton of reading over the last few days and plan to do another ton before I go west for a week. I should also get some books for the trip. Now, I fear that I don't have a whole lot to say, so I'll post a blast from the past... Enjoy!

June 18, 2001, afternoon
A journey into the psyche has reaped very interesting rewards. There is a very good book called “Please Understand Me” by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates, and it talks about temperament types. I have read from this book, done the rest and I have learned that I am INFJ. An INFJ is an Introvert/Intuitive/Feeling/Judging. I’ve known for a long time that I am an Introvert, but what does it all mean? This book explained it all to me. Introverts make up 25% of the population and they prefer solitude and are more territorial. That is very true for me. In addition, I rather enjoy being in select company. Society can have its extroverts; we introverts will have quiet contemplation. Now, The second letter can be either N(Intuitive) or S(sensation). 25% of the population are Intuitive. More preferred company issues. Will I ever be part of the 75%? Anyway, those who are N think in terms of awareness and sensitivity (sic?). Now, there is the third letter. F as in Feeling, compared with T for Thinking. Here there is a gender split. 60% of the female population are F compare to male population (60% are Thinkers). I believe more in values than in logic. Well, I guess that I am a majority somewhere. Now, that fourth letter is a J, or one who judges. Apparently, I prefer deadlines. Perhaps the test was wrong somehow. I don’t like deadlines. So, here is the final moment. I(25%) N(25%) F(50%) J(50%) (Feeling % - error on my part?) So, what does it all mean? INFJ’s make up about 1% of the population and are therefore very rare indeed. People like me are very reserved, are rumoured to have ESP, and are hurt easily by nasty (sic?) words. The diagnosis is very true. It has been quite a wonderful journey. Well, I will keep reading this interesting book at another time. Another journey into the psyche will await…. SYS.

Assorted mumbles

2011-06-16T19:04:00.000-07:00

10 days to go until a well-deserved break. While the Canucks sucked and Vancouver was... mucked up..., I attended a nice little technology event after work. The computer lab fanatics showcased their awesome work for a handful of parents and a smaller handful of staff. I care little about hockey and I don't even have a TV, so I went and enjoyed the show. I went home last night feeling a little euphoric about the whole thing. Amazing how good I've felt lately. Things are feeling very right for me these days. I don't know how else to explain it. Again, it could just be knowing that the end is very much in sight. Today was the last actual school day for the kids and next week will be activities and the like. Of course, the library will be open during lunch and I'll enjoy yelling at my favourite annoyances for a few more days. On the other hand, I've been doing my librarian's job of late as well (providing information), which really made me feel good. Next week I'll be closing the library for a couple of days to get some inventory done. Feeling pretty good about that as well.
Listening to 'Reveal' by the awesome R.E.M. this evening, which continues the happiness for me. It's such a summery album.
On the literary front, I've nearly come to the end of 'The shape of things to come' by H.G. Wells. I was inspired to find this book by TCM, which showed the movie adaptation a few months back. The book (natch) is better than the movie, but I'm astounded at how good it is. The writing is informative and clear, and I'm really enjoying it. Of course, other minds might say it's Saharan in nature and I would agree. Compared to the movie, however.... I plan to visit this book in a year's time as well just to see if I still like it as much as I do now. I hope to have more info concerning the book posted here once I've come to the end of it. The big Dad's Day is this Sunday. There's a plan in place, and this time we're prepared for it. I apologize for the shortness of this entry. I need to get back to reading. BYE.

Happiness abounds? Zounds!

2011-06-06T18:26:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's just the change of the season, with the days growing longer and warmer. Maybe it's knowing that summer vacation is only days away. Whatever the reason, I've been feeling bouncier and more relaxed of late. There's a lightness in my soul that I cannot explain. I started feeling this toward the end of last week, and my mood has yet to change. Oh yes; I'm still a doubting, distrusting, pessimistic misanthrope who would rather cower in her hole rather than venture out further into the world and embrace pure idealism, but I'm happier while I cower. I'm thinking it's because the school year is coming to an end and I'm getting ready for summertime and its adventures. I'm getting a little excited about the upcoming trip west with Mom - maybe that's part of it as well. I will also be pleased to say goodbye to the kids for a while. I'll be seeing most of them again in September, but they're done with the year and I think I'm ready to join them. A number of teachers and EA's agree with me, which is a relief.
I finished reading a twin-spin by Nietzsche recently and I greatly enjoyed it this second time. Now I just want to get my hands on 'Ecce homo'. Of late I've been tossing the phrase about in my head. It means 'Behold the man', and has been the subject of numerous paintings. It's what Pontius Pilate announced to the bloodthirsty public when he had Jesus brought out before them. I'm not sure what Nietzsche's take on the phrase will be, but it was the last book (if I recall correctly) he wrote before his psyche became more than he could handle. He never recovered, which is unfortunate. Meanwhile, I'm going to start reading 'The Tao of Physics', which sounds something like a contradiction in terms. I want to see if it is or if the two concepts can work together. I guess that's all I have to say where work and reading are concerned. I still have no idea why I'm feeling so buoyant of late.
When I figure it out, I'll let you know. BYE.

Is Society to Blame?

2011-06-02T18:37:00.000-07:00

Such an overused question. I blame my study of B.F. Skinner, which I just finished reading, for the title of this post. Actually, I'm going to talk about blame (playing the blame game, taking the blame, etc...). I've been hearing the following cry from a couple of my more annoying regulars. "It's not me, it's X's fault!" I reply, "You are in control of your own fate, and X is not to blame if I have to kick you out." On the other hand, when two young'uns act upon each other's merry chaos, it only makes sense for both to suffer the consequences of their actions. I fear I've garnered a rep for being something of a pushover, and only now, at the close of the year, am I clamping down. I guess I'll know better for next year. But I digress. Passing the buck isn't going to help matters. But what about Society? Thousands of interactions happening per second every day around the world; it's easy for one speck in the universe to feel a little lost.
I told myself I was not going to bring karma into this discussion, but my Semi-Buddhist Eyes will not leave it alone. While we are in control of our own fates, there are so many connections and interactions per second, per day, and per life, that others eventually may have to share at least some blame. That's where compassion comes in. When things, be they good or ill, happen to you, you can at least take comfort in knowing that these same things have happened to everyone else. There are many ways one can look at blame and at Society, and each way ends in a great deal of complication and confusion. And now I find myself quickly getting confused in what I really wanted to say. That's the way things work for me sometimes.
In the meantime, I'm going to start reading Nietzsche and count the days until the end of June. BYE.

Violence!

2011-05-24T16:23:00.000-07:00

Eye-catching title, eh? To be fair, I won't be spending a whole lot of time discussing violence today. I finished reading some works by Stendhal recently, and while I found 'Armance' to be quite the frustration, Stendhal's shorter works were something different. I enjoyed 'The abbess of Castro' and 'The Cenci', which were shorter stories full of violence and heartbreak. I also found I was mistaken concerning why I wanted to read Stendhal's works. He says little to nothing about class structure, and I was grateful for that. I found at times that he was a little abrupt with his endings at times, especially where 'Armance' was concerned. Just when I was starting to warm up to the story, it ends with a dull clap and you don't get much of an ending. 'The Cenci' gets a special nod for its amazing portrayal of a commanding mafioso (admit it, that's what he was!) dude who ruled his family and his community with an iron fist.
Ever since I first heard about 'Walden Two', I've been trying to get my mitts on some B.F. Skinner. A known fellow among the psychological community, I've also heard of his deadly 'Skinner Box'. A man of many mysteries, eh? I started into 'Reflections on behaviourism and society' yesterday, and it's going a little slow right now. On the other hand, I already have a quote I want to eventually add to my meagre collection. Kind of funny, as he mentions acedia, and I was just reading about that not long ago. Some sort of sign that I'm on the right path? I don't think I'll be able to find 'Walden Two', though I will look a little harder soon enough. For now, I'm going to get through this book and then take a nice break with Tennyson. I fear that this entry is pretty short, but I have to check on supper and other things.
BYE!

Nice times (at last)

2011-05-15T10:53:00.000-07:00

Friday was frustrating, with chill winds and enough rain to be depressing. Some of my lunch regulars didn't help matters any, which decreased my mood even more. And then my ankle decided to rebel, which reduced me to a whimpering mass of librarian. That last one was more my fault than anything else, as I spent much of the morning and afternoon running after students to get their books back. Adolescents can be incredibly annoying, especially when they get demanding. Okay, I've spent much of this weekend harping inwardly about this, and Monday is just around the corner. At least this group of regulars will be on their way at the close of June (YAY!) Anyway, the weekend has lifted my spirits quite a bit, with good weather and no adolescents to drive me up the wall. My Dad's B-day is next week, so we treated him to dinner on Saturday. Next year will be a milestone birthday for both Mom and him, and I already have to wonder what Nat and I will get him. Of course, there's Nat's B-day still to come, but not until this summer.
Speaking of summer, the plan's afoot and Mom and I have gotten everything worked out for our upcoming trip to B.C. The flight's been booked, the hotel's been booked, and the rental car has been booked. It still does not feel real, though I suspect that it will the closer it gets to July. I probably will not do much in the way of posting anything during the trip itself, but rest assured there will be pictures and the like once I've returned. I should decide pretty soon as to the books I wish to bring with me. Speaking of books, I'm wading back into French matters with a study of Stendhal, followed by a half dozen of his shorter pieces. I cannot recall why I so very much wanted to read up on this guy, but I think it has something to do with the Bourgeoisie vs. the Proletariat (of which I was reading a lot about several months ago). I'm a Prole, as far as I know, and I do not think there's any way I could be a Bourgeois. Not in this day and age.
Anyway, I've come to the end of this entry. Thanks and have a great day.

10 years ago #3

2011-05-08T08:02:00.000-07:00

May 4, 2001, morning
No dreams to report on this lovely spring morning. However, I do have something to say. First of all, I finished reading this **** book by Robertson Davies the other day. It was a wonderful and enlightening peak into a very distant past. Long-forgotten ancestors caught on film. It’s true that my ancestors lived and had thoughts just as I do. This fascinating book, “Murther & Walking Spirits”, opened up my eyes rather nicely. Robertson Davies was quite a remarkable author. Blessed Presence, ensure for an eternity that Davies is kept safe wherever he may be. Amen. Of course, Robertson Davies is not only thing on my mind. Since January, my nightly practice has been to read the works of Lord Byron. Since January, I have also looked for quotes from his works. I have four at presence. The quotes may not be that moralistic, but I wasn’t looking for morals. Anything that I found to be interesting. Lord Byron could really write. Here is a description of a beautiful woman. Bear in mind that I have trimmed this a little “…seen her long locks that fail the painter’s power; her fairy form with more than female grace…” Somehow, that description grabbed me. Here’s another quote I liked. Again I have trimmed this one. “…to teach man what he might be or he ought: If that corrupted thing could ever such be taught.” A condemnation of Humanity. Well, I’ve rambled on enough. I will close for now. SYS.

The Davies love lives on. I really should read more by Byron. Thanks for your time.

On the Literary Front #8

2011-05-01T10:00:00.000-07:00

I thought at first to pen a tender farewell letter, laden with wistful meanderings and softly bitter laments o'er unrequited love against my cruelly manipulative beast of a Muse. My core is neither soft nor innocent enough to have such leanings, however, and I'm not as heartbroken as I expected to be. Nothing lasts forever, and there may come a time when I will find myself again wrapped warmly in the Muse's powerful embrace and enchanting smiles. For now, I stand on the outside, journal and pen in hand, catching what pitiful scraps I may and doing what little scribbling that I can. Wow, I'm tearing up already. No, not really. Actually, driving home from dinner with the Parentals, I had a few thoughts about my ties to the Muse and how the ties were pretty much gone. I have spoken quite a bit in the past that I am a slave to the written word. Since the summer, I have pretty much given up on writing. All literary projects are stopped for the time being, since Inspiration and I are not in sync at all. Several false starts have gone nowhere, and I gave them up.
These literary projects. I have been in thrall to them since I was 13. Perhaps the Muse was just getting tired of guiding me through this or that story, knowing I have little talent or courage for follow through. This is a new theory, however, and I need time to examine it. Actually, I had another theory that came to mind the other night. Care to hear it? I could possibly be a mimic of some sort where writing is concerned. Throughout my childhood and my teens I read mostly Fantasy. A trilogy of novels (or novellas? Hard to say.) was born from these experiences. Then I started branching out, venturing into Mysteries and books on matters spiritual, as well as scores of classics. From this exploration came a Mystery story that might've gone well if I had not listened to the writer-in-residence for that year. For the last few years, I have been pretty deep in Philosophy and Spirituality, which kindled in me to write some sort of story. This has resulted in numerous false starts (a first draft of the first book is somewhere on my computer, I think) and frustration to spare.
The only literary project I have made much headway on is my Journal Project, where I have been typing my journals out and saving them to file. Someday I will not be able to read my handwriting, so it makes sense. This year or the next I'll be working on transcribing one of my journals from the early 00's. But I digress. I have come to understand that I may not have a whole lot of something inspired, but I can mimic very well. But a snag has risen. I have been reading a variety of genres these days, but nothing I can concentrate upon beyond musings in my diary, so there's little chance for mimicry. I have nothing as a result. This has been my piece on being a mimic and my final thoughts on the Muse. This is not to say that I am done with writing altogether. I still have blogging and my ongoing scribbles in this or that journal. And there may come a time when I have something original and inspired to say. Things happen in cycles, right? Thank you for your time.

15 years ago #3

2011-04-17T13:37:00.000-07:00

March 28, 1996 — morning
I slept very well the night after, if you wanted to know. We are now back in the ‘Peg. And guess what? Dad’s home for the week! Anyway, I am reading a French book right now, and I am enjoying it. No homework for Nat and I! Freedom! What to do, what to do . . . . I’ve taken to reading the Bible. I enjoy reading great classics. And if the Bible isn’t a classic, then what is? Life is good for me right now. But I wonder often what Heaven is like. Earlier in this diary, I wrote my thoughts about Heaven. I’d love to see what Heaven is like. Not yet, though. I can wait. At times I have fears that Heaven doesn’t exist. But the Bible reassures me of a Heaven existing. God be praised. I am a Catholic and I try always to serve the higher power faithfully. Every night I pray. I don’t mean to sound too proud, but I really think I pray more often than some people. People that brag about going (to) church are okay, as long as they try to do good during the week. Otherwise, they are hypocrites. May God make them repent! Well, I have to go. I have other things to do today. SYS!

Interesting how my thoughts have changed over time. Between this entry and the one from late May 1996 I apparently had nothing to say. Not surprising, as there are numerous gaps in my earlier diaries. Thanks for your time.

Thoughts on Da Finn

2011-04-11T16:34:00.000-07:00

Having a third look at 'Phineas redux', and amazingly, I'm coming across things I either didn't see before or things that I saw before but only move me now. To say that Phineas has loved and lost is true a number of times over. He returns from 'Phineas Finn' seemingly back at Square One, and is back to dealing with political life and tons of unresolved sexual tension. His lovely and influential lady friends Madame Max and Lady Laura have their own problems but very much want to help him get back to a place of prominence. Lady Laura has a bigger problem than Madame Max, however. She chose the wrong guy and paid a fairly steep price for it. Now trouble's brewing between her, her estranged husband, and Phineas, who has the roughest time though he's more innocent than either of them. What drove this woman to first choose than leave her mate? What drove this man to lose her? Incompatible folks, but why should Phineas (the 'Other Man', on the other hand) be the one to get shot at? Apologies for any possible spoilers. It's a great book - better than 'Phineas Finn', although the latter is also a very good book.
Admittedly, the game between X and Y is quite the mystery to me, and will probably remain one for the rest of my days. Also, I fear that I will have to cut this entry short. Supper's calling me. I will doubtless make another Phineas-related post once I have come to the end of the book. BYE.

Delightful imagery and depraved savagery

2011-04-06T18:12:00.000-07:00

That is Marlowe's 'Tamburlaine' in a nutshell. I so badly wanted him to be struck down, either by one of his equally terrible allies or by one of the opposing kings or soldiers. That's not Marlowe's game, but I knew that ahead of time. It still bugged me. Anyway, I got through 'Tamburlaine' and am now studying what the critics of the early 1900's thought of him. Tamburlaine reminds me of another depraved ruler in a similar time, and if you will forgive me, I am going to connect this fellow to 'Mahabharat'. King Kansa of Mathura wasn't actually in the 'Mahabharata', but the Chopras thought he would make a great addition to their massive saga story. Kansa was Krishna's monstrous uncle whose death was prophesied on the day Kansa's sister married his closest friend. It was foretold that Devaki would give birth to eight sons, and the eighth son would return to kill Kansa one day. Kansa quickly locked his sister and his friend up and proceeded to slaughter each child as it was born. Of course, Krishna escaped and went on to fulfill the sage's decree. Too bad such a death was not foretold of Tamburlaine. Okay, I'm done talking about 'The Mahabharata'. I seem to do that a lot. Back to 'Tamburlaine' and his unforgivable deeds.
Marlowe drew a variety of images from the dank tarn of his mind to craft a violent story that would rival the likes of Caligula, Herod the Great, or Ivan the Terrible. What's worse, his wife actually approved of what he was doing. His allies, dastardly kings themselves, were behind him all the way. I thought at first that they were just with him out of fear, and that when he met his end, they would turn against his successor. Maybe they would have, as Marlowe closed the story at Tamburlaine's passing. It takes a lot of charisma gone wrong to create such a legendary figure. Is Tamburlaine a man to be admired? His violent streak was not changed by his wife's passing, and surprisingly, I suspect she was the only one he ever really loved. She was greater than Helen, greater than Venus, and at her passing, he mourned bitterly before continuing his reign of terror. I guess it's better than some blood-thirsty fellows who would kill their entire family along with everyone else.
A scene from the saga got me thinking pretty hard. A rival king and queen are thrown into the dungeon. Rather than face an ignoble future, they commit suicide in one of the more horrible ways that I have ever heard of. It takes quite a bit of dedication to do what they did. And I had to wonder why they did it. Was it fear of being shamed? Maybe just cutting to the chase instead of languishing for months and years to come. Hard to say. Anyway, that's what's been on my mind of late. Back to the critics I go. BYE.

Marlowe and Mejda

2011-04-01T07:31:00.000-07:00

Should we lay laurels eternally upon Shakespeare's grave in humble thanks for the plays he wrote, or should we be looking to others? There has been an ongoing debate through history suggesting that Francis Bacon wrote some of Shakespeare's works and either attributed his efforts to the Legendary Bard or stole the fame for himself. Check it out in Wikipedia for more information. Anyway, I recently finished reading 'History Play' about Christopher Marlowe, writer of 'Tamburlaine' and 'Doctor Faustus'. Rodney Bolt has suggested that it was Marlowe who wrote the likes of 'Romeo and Juliet', 'Merchant of Venice' and turned them over to his assistant, one Wil Shaksper, to clean them up and have them ready for the actors. First off, Bolt has a few bony facts, which he clothes in alien flesh to create a unique little beast of a story. Very well-written and greatly enjoyable. In the distant past, when identification was not concrete and most folks signed their name with an X, who is to say what was true and what wasn't? Did Marlowe really die in a bar-fight? Was he a pawn instead? Did Shakespeare and Marlowe move in familiar circles enough that they knew each other? If interested, please have a look at this remarkable book.
Meanwhile, I've gotten back into watching 'Mahabharat' again. Episode 79 always makes me cry a little, thanks to its poignant scenes. This has little to do with 'Mejda', other than the fact that both 'Mahabharata' and 'Mejda' both came from India. I may have mentioned this book in previous posts, and if I have, I am going to mention it again today. It is said that the Buddha will come when the world has forgotten the Dharma. With all the sages of various shades emerging in writings from India, China, and Tibet, people are not likely to forget the Dharma for a while to come. That said, these sages all hearken from centuries ago, and are not familiar with the 20th century. 'Mejda' passed away in 1952, so he was no stranger to the evolution of society. I've just started reading this book (although I read it last year and will probably read it again in two years' time) but after I've gotten more into it, I will doubtless make some mention of it later.
It's April Fools' Day, but more importantly, it's my Grandma's birthday as well. She would've been 84 years old today. Rest well, Grandma. You are dearly and deeply missed. Anyway, I guess this post is done. BYE.

So-mo for Spring Break

2011-03-28T08:14:00.000-07:00

At least, for the first official day of it. Actually, I'm getting a landline installed today. Amazingly exciting, I know. It's just a matter of flicking a switch and there you go, but it might take some time before someone thinks to flick said switch, so I'm keeping busy indoors today. I've got an awesome Let's Player and his friends to watch, Herbie Hancock whirling away in my computer, and a book about Christopher Marlowe to read through. If the dial tone comes to life early enough in the day, I'll take a trip to the library and do a quick book exchange. For what it's worth, I finished reading a bio on Marcel Proust last night. It took some plowing through, more than usual considering that it was not a very thick book. Maybe it was just old and musty enough to drive the will to read from me. Maybe it was the author's style I found hard to work with. If I do decide to read about Proust again, I think I'll try a different bio. On the other hand, I did pull at least one quote from this odd little book, and I came across something that rubbed me the wrong way enough that I would like to address it here.
Proust suffered from asthma and other respiratory problems for most of his life, and the technology was not in place to ensure a long and healthy life for him as it is now. However, in 1958, the cause of asthma had to be better-known than what the author seemed to think. Who in their right mind would claim that asthma is a psychosomatic illness due to separation anxiety? Proust might've been among the great mama's boys of history, but I cannot for a second believe that being without his mother and other comforts would lead to breathlessness and the like. Based on the little I know about asthma (which I admit is not a lot), Proust would've had more to fear from having the fire in the wood stove going day and night through rain and shine, which he did quite a bit. Surely the author would have done some research and would've made the right connection. Anyway, that early tidbit in the book did bug me a touch, but I've said it and now am ready to move on.
The Marlowe book I am going to start soon is called 'History Play: the lives and afterlife of Christopher Marlowe'. Admittedly, my inner geek is already hard at work pulling together as much as I can find concerning this guy. Can a geek live within a nerd? Interesting question. I have the rest of the week to puzzle through this one. Nerds have been pretty cool for a little while now - just ask that Let's Player I seem to mention a lot lately. Okay, time to move on before this turns into an ad for the dude. Thanks and BYE for now.

Marlowe thoughts and Barchester business

2011-03-20T08:59:00.000-07:00

What makes a good villain? Do most villains know they are villains? Based on the number of antagonists I have observed in everything I have read, the answer is no. Really, the only villains I have come across who knew they were on the wrong side can be found in 'The Mahabharata'. Drona and Bhishma were on the wrong side and not only did they know it, they accepted it. They didn't like it, but they accepted it. There's also the Joker from 'Batman', to a lesser extent. Maybe he knew he was in the wrong, but I doubt he ever cared about that, since he stood for gaining control through whatever means necessary. His favoured weapon was chaos, and he employed that weapon every chance he had. I know precious little about Joker in the 'Batman' canon for real, so if I'm 'wrong', please let me know. I'm dwelling upon villains lately thanks to a lovely little book by Charles G. Masinton. 'Christopher Marlowe's tragic vision: A study in damnation' looks at the likes of Tamburlaine and Doctor Faustus, seeing where they went wrong and why. Definitely makes me want to read 'Tamburlaine' and 'Doctor Faustus' now. I've read Goethe's 'Faust' but I suspect Marlowe's take on it is much darker.
Another excellent 'selling the soul to the Devil' story is 'The sorrows of Satan' by the magnificent Marie Correlli, but I have not read it lately, so I'll skip talking about it. One more digression before I move on. Robertson Davies (God rest his soul eternal!) wrote a great short story called 'When Satan goes home for Christmas'. Great ending to that story, by the way. Moving on now; I started reading 'Barchester Towers' by Anthony Trollope. I seem to recall that I wasn't very fond of the story the first time I read it. For some reason, this time I am enjoying it. Two of the villains are quarrelling at this point but the heroes aren't really happy either. Actually, I don't think there are any real heroes in this story thus far, although Trollope has labeled certain folks as heroes and others as villains. That's his right, I guess.
A week to go until Spring Break. Sigh......

Trollope, Mozart, and I Wanna Be the Guy

2011-03-14T18:46:00.000-07:00

It has been more than a few days since I posted anything new, so I decided some updates were in order. I am now 31, and I am really not sure how I am supposed to feel about it. Just mentioning it suggests that I think it's pretty important. Not a milestone like last year's birthday, but there's something about being 31 that stirs the imagination, though for good or for ill, I cannot say. I suspect I will have more to say on my 35th birthday, but that's not for another few years. 35 is something of a milestone as well, I imagine. 31 just makes me feel like I've completely left young adulthood behind and have taken my first steps squarely into true adulthood. Does that make sense? When do I reach the plateau of middle age? Will I need to be 35 for that to happen? I was depressed about turning 20, for it meant saying goodbye to my childhood, but now I'm not so fixated on that. Some people never get over that loss. For some people, turning 30 is depressing, for you're saying farewell to your 20's. I never had that problem, and I'm grateful for that.
Meanwhile, I've gone back to 'Phineas Finn'. There is something about this book that I love enough to visit several times. Maybe I'll end up buying myself a copy when this is done. We'll see. Considering how little I like the fox-hunts Trollope seems to put into every book, I like reading about Finn and his adventures. I want him to be successful. Likable characters make the book work. While I read, I've been listening to Mozart. Classical music certainly calms the soul, which makes it a good choice of something to listen to while playing certain games, which leads me to I Wanna Be the Guy, or IWBTG in short form. Think the deadliest, more difficult 8-bit game you have ever played and take it up ten notches. That is IWBTG - everything kills your character and all you can do is trial-and-error until you make it. For some Let's Players, this game is maddening. The videos are hilarious, by the way.
So that is my life in a nutshell. Back to Phineas Finn I go. BYE.

Not much doin' these days

2011-03-05T19:21:00.000-08:00

I've been doing a fair bit of gaming lately, and this has cut big time into my contemplation of the world as I see it. I have, however, been exploring Chaucer and his impressions upon society. Nothing too light and plenty to give me pause for thought. Over the past couple of days, the book has been E. Talbot Donaldson's 'Speaking of Chaucer'. The musty scent of age wafts from this book, but I have not cast it down in gagging horror. If it were thicker, I might think twice about going through it. It's made up of informative essays and if I'm really interested in it, I may revisit it next year. Speaking of books, I finished an account of the life of Red Cloud by James Redsky recently. Fascinating, but not something I wish to re-read next year. The language in the book relies too much on Xianity for me, but considering where Redsky was coming from, I shouldn't attack him too harshly. Residue from the residential schools. No, I am not going to share my two cents on that topic. Others in a better position have already spoken their minds there, and that works for me.
My diary entries have been shorter than usual as well, but I suspect that this is due to my cold, which has dwindled down to an annoying tickle at the back of my throat. It usually pops up when I'm talking with others or watching 'Mystery Science Theatre 3000', which I was doing this afternoon. Man, that show is insane! I love the comments Mike and the gang make concerning this or that movie. This afternoon's offering was a Xmas movie where one of Satan's devils tries to ruin things for Santa. Hilariously offensive (even before Mike and the bots got their hooks into it) stuff! Anyway, that's all I have for the time being. My B-day is within a week. Definitely moving into extreme old age now! C'est tout!

Fallen but not completely felled

2011-02-23T18:27:00.000-08:00

Crossing my path on a chill Saturday night, like a thief it ransacked my health and bore away my powers of thought. Throughout Sunday I lay prone upon my humble futon, shivering and lamenting this unwelcome, yet not completely unexpected visitor. The schemer rapped at my forehead, pounded at my sinuses, scratched at my throat, and tickled my stomach into a hungerless frenzy that left me sparring with faint touches of nausea. Had it not been for the blessing of a three-day weekend, I would've had to drag my aching muscles to work a day early to suffer through my labours. Monday I felt strong enough to leave my warmly blanketed realm to get dressed and go grocery shopping for a few things. It's Wednesday now, and I've been to work two days in a row, though I have toyed with the idea of calling in sick. As it stands, my schedule for the last couple of days has been light enough for me to endure the merry dance of the common cold. I've reached the 3rd level of my oppressor's game, so to speak, and this is the ominous part of my yearly tango with this beast.
There's a tickle at the back of my throat, and without something to quell the cough, life is a noisy growl that threatens to strike me dumb for a little bit. I thought I had lost my voice this morning, but after a few sips of water I was fine enough to warrant going in today. If I do lose my voice tomorrow, I'll have to call in sick, and I would rather not do that. That's what's going on with me right now. Just got back from a visit with the parental units. They got back from Playa del Carmen on Saturday, and my Dad's already back in the bush. I've got plans to go to the library tomorrow and do a book exchange. Reading Trollope's 'The Warden'. The protagonist's a real pawn right now, caught between well-meaning but frustrating folk. That's all I am going to say about that.
I'll need to get some sleep tonight and drink as much orange juice as I can. Otherwise I forecast more lamenting on the morrow. BYE.

Live at Kurukshetra!

2011-02-13T07:01:00.000-08:00

One of my literary forays took me through 'Bhagavad Gita as it is' recently. I read it maybe 4 or 5 years ago, but it was not until I watched the Chopra's "Mahabharat" that I really understood why Arjuna and Krishna were there and having this very important discussion. Krishna, the God of Gods, became flesh to transmit His words to the regular (and not so regular) mortals. Sound familiar? In this case, Arjuna was seriously unsure about going to war against his cousins, teachers, and his most beloved grandsire Bhishma. It took a great deal of cajoling and commanding on Krishna's part to convince Arjuna that his part in the plan was necessary and that Evil had to be stopped; even if that meant all 100 of his dastardly cousins and millions on both sides died. Actually, now that I think of it, Jesus did the same through the Gospels. I seem to recall that he supposedly said 'I bring not peace, but a sword.' And how many millions have died since then? Similar, wot? Only the Battle at Kurukshetra is much more overt and early in the game. Also, Krishna didn't have to be crucified to get his point across. He just revealed his True Form to Arjuna and that took care of everything. My understanding is that Krishna died of old age and his whole family was later killed in a drunken bloodbath (Wikipedia shows the way!) But I digress.
Krishna transmitting His wisdom and commands to Arjuna makes for a fascinating read. Sometimes we face difficult ethical issues in life, and rather than shrivel up from indecision, sometimes it's better to make your decision and not worry about the result. This is not carte blanche to do terrible things in the name of Ethics, however. Here's an example. That soccer team that crashed in the Andes had a terrible ethical issue, and their agony must've been intense. Then the ones who were left made their fateful decision and it saved them. The only other example I can come up with right now is the Donner Party, but I've already got one example where cannibalism was the biggie, so I'll move on.
The Battle at Kurukshetra presents tons of ethical issues (and violations), with leaders breaking the Code of War left and right. With Krishna on the Pandavas' side these violations are apparently justified (debatable), and more often than not, it was the opposing side who broke the rules first. For a very insightful and wonderful read, I highly recommend 'Bhagavad Gita as it is'. Have a great day!

Idle weekend

2011-02-06T08:51:00.000-08:00

Spent most of the weekend watching Let's Play vids and reading. Enjoying what distractions are available to me, after all. I've gone back to studying matters Sikh today with W.H. McLeod's 'Sikhism'. I would like to study Islam more, but I've never come across anything beyond the Qur'an (nothing really awesome like 'Mahabharata') that brings a lot of colour into it. If anyone out there has suggestions of such materials, PLEASE let me know! Much appreciated. Meanwhile, I finished reading more works by Katharine Kerr yesterday, and I plan to continue with her Deverry series soon enough. From matters Sikh to matters literary I'll eventually go with Paul Scott's 'On writing and the novel'. Don't know if I'm ready to re-read it, but it's on my list of stuff to re-read, and I'm a little anal that way. Word of warning; 'Phineas Finn' is also on my list of books to re-read, so expect at least one entry complaining about fox-hunts and the like. I've also got 'Bhagavad Gita as it is' warming up on my shelf. I've watched enough 'Mahabharat' to be familiar with Arjuna and Krishna and the legendary battle at Kurukshetra. I've read 'BG' once already, but it's a great excerpt from a masterful saga.
Let's Play vids have become quite a fascinating distraction for me. I bought 'Dragon Age: Origins' thanks to this one dude's LP videos. He had a great time playing the game, and word of mouth is still a driving force behind the success of a product. I won't say anything else concerning the game, as others have said much more and have doubtless said it better. I guess Youtube has become quite THE distraction in this wry spinster's life, but it's better than TV. There was a time when having cable was the big distraction (Night Court loved taking shots at the racy stuff one found on cable when only a handful of folks could afford cable). Good times, but far behind most of us now. Okay, enough whining o'er the past. I've got reading to do and LP vids to watch.
The parental units have gone on their annual vacation. I'm asking for pics of whatever libraries they find on their travels and for local music. Goes with my territory. So, I guess that's about it. Another time.

Muy frío!

2011-02-01T17:54:00.000-08:00

Not as cold as it was last week, but cold enough to make me break out the long johns and thick socks. My heater's blower has been rather vocal over the past few days too, which has not sat well with me. It should warm up a bit tomorrow, and then get even warmer on Wednesday. Apparently there's a blizzard brewing in the States. I don't want to mock my southern neighbours, but I will if any governors decide to call out the army to do some shoveling. I scoffed when the folks in Toronto whined for help. Be strong, be fearless, grab that shovel and get out there! Makes me wonder what the snowblowers are like in various states. Hopefully strong enough to get the job done. Keeping warm here in the 'Peg with the legendary Rush and 'Test for echo'. I'm also reading D. Brin's 'The postman'. I like the premise and the story is well written. How did Costner butcher this story, anyway? I guess his dastardly touch was incredibly powerful then. Has Kevin Costner done any decent movies since 'Prince of thieves'?
Of course, some folk would say that Costner butchered that movie as well, and it was only Bryan Adams who could save it with that incredible song. I swear, that was THE song of 1991-1992. Just like Richard Marx's 'Right here waiting' was THE song of 1989-1990. All the girls taking piano in my Fourth Grade class were hammering away at that song. Phil Collins' 'Another day in paradise' and anything by Paula Abdul were also fine draws for classroom parties. There was also Salt n'Pepa's 'Push it', which snuck past the teacher's censor. I wouldn't have known what they were singing anyway when I was 9. I know now, and it gives me a mighty guffaw when I think about it. Speaking of Rush, I first learned about these fine fellows back in 1991 with 'Roll the bones'. Some of the best rap my lily-white ears had ever heard. The thinking man's rap, maybe? It has been said that Rush is the thinking man's rock band. Feel free to challenge me on that, by the way.
The weather can get warmer, as long as the sky does not decide to unleash another two tons of snow upon the hapless heads here at home. They just did the streets AGAIN (there goes next year's snow removal budget!) and I don't think the 'Peg needs any more snow. Meanwhile, I'm getting back into watching 'Law & Order' (anything after the 1st five seasons matters little to me). Chris Noth was so yummy in those days. Ah, time does ravage the photogenic! Well, that's about all. BYE.

10 years ago... #2

2011-01-25T18:44:00.000-08:00

January 25, 2001 evening

Mr. Schneider is relaxing next to me and I am feeling a lot better since my last entry. The book de la semaine is “The Cunning Man” by Robertson Davies and, so far, this book is deserving of ✰✰✰. The man certainly knew what was what. May God be with him, wherever he may be now. “Salem Possessed”, by the way, earns ✰✰✰½, for I felt that it was a trifle too dry for 4 ✰’s. I would have liked some sort of color in the book. “The Cunning Man” has all the color that “Salem Possessed” did not. What was I reading about this time last year? №2 on the latest list. That book that got ✰✰✰✰✰. A fine book, and one that many others have read numerous times. Will I read it again? Perhaps, but a year is just too soon. After all, I did not open that “Californian” book for five years. There was a reason I did not open that book, I guess. Well, I really hate to have to cut this entry down and off. However, there are some things I must do. Until then, SYS!

Music, books, weather, ARGH!

2011-01-24T17:46:00.000-08:00

My present literary journey is another grueling foray into Hegel, and this time, while the writing is not as dull, the book seems pretty insurmountable, and I have to have it back in a few days. I swear, after I finish this entry, I'm going to bury myself in Sexsmith and the Arkells and read for a couple of hours. Some people say that Sexsmith is one depressing dude. Not the most photogenic dude around, but certainly not depressing. Been messing around with my satellite radio recently, and thought I had something good with a blues/jazz station, but I couldn't hear the music over the roaring heater. Bitterly cold weather in the 'Peg of late, but the temp actually rose to -18 today, up from -11 (which does not make sense unless we're dealing with what Environment Canada calls an adverse weather trend - I think). At least the blowing snow warning is done. Whew!
The days are getting visibly brighter, and I'm grateful for that. There was a time when I relished walking through the snow in -30 weather, embracing the morning's darkness and the softly falling snow. That was when I rode a bus to get to University. Now I drive and I'm not as grateful for the indigo darkness of a wintry dawn. Been doing a lot of shivering, actually. Meanwhile, I'm trying to get through Peter Kalkavage's 'The logic of desire' and the going is not all that good. The publishing company's name makes me chuckle a little, considering the occasionally arid quality of what I'm reading. Not the fault of Paul Dry Books that this book lives up to the company's name. Have to wonder what kind of fun Mr. Dry went through as a young man. Anyway, I'm trying to get through this study of Hegel's 'Phenomenology of spirit' and it's rubbing me the wrong way for some reason. It's not the quality of the writing or that I'm having a hard time following the logic - I guess my Semi-Buddhist Eyes are focusing nicely these days, and that's the problem.
The consciousness making its way to full and total realization, becoming the self and firmly existing in the world as we know it. Doesn't that fly in the face of all the Buddhism I've studied? That's not what it's all about though, right? If that is what is bothering me, that's not the author's fault. Time to do some reconciling of my feelings. It's also time I got back to reading this behemoth of a book. Ron Sexsmith has reached the second-last track. 'Retriever' is not my favourite album, but I get a kick out of 'Whatever it takes' and 'From now on'. Time to get back to the grind.
BYE!

15 years ago... #2

2011-01-09T06:53:00.000-08:00

January 7, 1996 — mid-morning
Today is the last day before school. With two weeks away from exams, some fears are rising. But these are small fears; none to worry too much about. I’ve been doing some thinking about what we call yesterday, today, and tomorrow. We all know yesterday to be the days gone by, today as the 24 hours we have now, and tomorrow as the days before us. We also know that yesterday can never be seen again, and that tomorrow becomes today; it can’t be seen in its form as tomorrow. But, in my point of view, today is the time itself. Each second of life is today. Ex. This diary has entries from yesterday. But if we were to think that each word written is a word of yesterday, well, that would make the time between the writing of each word ‘today’. Interesting thought, that. Well, like I said earlier, today is the last day of school. With exams coming up, there is cause to worry, but as I have experience with exams, worry isn’t there. Bad news; while we were in PLAP, on the way home, --- slipped and hurt HER tailbone. Uh Oh! Two hurt tailbones! --- wants to stay home during the week and miss school. Mom says that we’ll take it one day at a time. If --- stays home, I’ll have to stay home as well; --- can’t stay home all by herself. With exams and revising, I’ll be busy; I can’t stay home. It all depends on what Mom says tomorrow. Well . . . SYS!

Warm feelings

2010-12-28T11:00:00.000-08:00

I was acutely aware of Xmas much more this year, and I didn't even put up a tree or string any lights! The only way you can tell it was Xmas in my apartment is the number of gift cards on my table and the gifts I have yet to put away. I've become lazier somehow (I blame it on being unfamiliar with so much free time), but life calls and I have a sink that need tackling! I also have books that need tackling (Bronte Sisters Super-Book!). On the leisure front, I'm getting further in 'Dragon Age: Origins' (better than Oblivion - I CAN CHEAT!) and I've rediscovered 'Dragon Ball Z'. Anymore dragon stuff and I'll start dreaming of the creatures! I've got a copy of 'Flight of Dragons', so maybe this is a sign. I'm feeling warm fuzzies (either from Xmas or from the fact that I've got an apartment - over a year old - powerful fuzzies!) and am looking forward to 2011. I haven't made any resolutions - no sense doing that if I have no intention of keeping them.
On the literary front, I'm toiling away at 'Villette' (which I'm finding to be rough going) and have started reading a thick little book called 'Zen pioneer'. It's a life of Ruth Fuller Sasaki, who's claim to fame is that she helped bring Zen into the West. She among many names who have been lost over time. Apparently she was Alan Watts' mother-in-law. I'm not too familiar with Watts, but for some reason, I think he's a little controversial. I could be wrong. Meanwhile, the weather is very nice out today and I have no plans to go out this afternoon. Tomorrow I'm back with the xtended rels for a belated Boxing Day. Meh.
Time for me to close this up. The next time I post it will be 2011. BYE.

Countin' it down!

2010-12-18T10:15:00.000-08:00

Although my space is not decorated a la Xmas, I'm more aware of Xmas' approach this year than in previous years. Maybe it's just because I'm looking forward to the 2 weeks off from the loonies on the road, the nuts at work, and from my alarm clock-radio. This should be a pretty stressless time, considering I don't cook or prepare anything (beyond wrapping gifts) and I don't have people over to my little hovel. The weather has been just wonderful of late (apart from that cold snap from last week) and as long as the snow stays on the ground until the end of December, things will continue to be great. My last day at work is this Wednesday coming up, so definitely I'm counting the days down.
I just finished reading a grotesque little book about everyday life England during the 1600's and 1700'. I'm not deriding this book, either - life in England was pretty nasty and uncomfortable in those days, and the author of 'Hubbub' eagerly discusses all parts of this grubby time. If you have a weak stomach, steer clear of the chapter called 'Mouldy'. You will not regret heeding this advice. Ignore this advice and read this chapter, and you may never want to eat again. Just kidding, but you have been warned. Those who like the works of William Hogarth are in for a good time, as his more famous pieces come up in this book (hey, who better to show the scummy underbelly of English society?) - Step right up for 'The Rake's progress', 'The Harlot's progress', and of course, the pathetic pillars of society as seen in 'Gin Lane'.
Now I've moved on to the life of Sam Pepys (again!). He was no stranger to the underbelly of society. It made sense to read more about him after finishing up with 'Hubbub'. That's about all. BYE.

Mmmmmmemories

2010-12-06T19:49:00.000-08:00

Listening to James Blunt tonight. Reminds me of songs that matter a lot in my life. Starting with Xmas carols, since the season's right for it. My favourite non-traditional Xmas carol is John Lennon's 'Happy Xmas (War is over)'. I was writing in my first serious diary when I heard that song, and since then, whenever I hear it, I think back to Xmas 1992, when I received the Muse fully into my life and began my life as its slave. (For the record, my favourite traditional Xmas carol is 'O Holy Night' - can't just sing it, you have to belt it out to get it right) The next song that speaks of memory is a James Blunt song. His song 'High' reminds me of a time in my Red River days, when I crossed paths with a former classmate from the University of Winnipeg. We chatted briefly and then went our separate ways. What struck me most was that he remembered me and was able to call me by name. That sent my self-esteem a mile high. Around the same time, I met up with a classmate from my school days and he too called me by name. Again, my self-esteem rose to new heights. Just like that line "Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me." Since then, I dedicate every playing of this song to those two. God keep you safe and on your paths through life, guys.
R.E.M. also figures in this recollection. 'Aftermath' always reminds me of a particularly tempestuous time in my 20s. Just those times when I just had to sit down and cry because things were happening that I was powerless to make better. 'Scared' by the Hip also figures in this, for it reminds me of a friend from those tempestuous times. I listen to these two songs with a fond smile on my face now. And then there are those songs that remind me of summer. Summer days in my childhood were always spent at the lake, so when I hear these songs, I smile all the way back to summertime in the 80s and 90s. Sigh....
There are other songs but it's too soon to speak of them and the events connected with them. I'll save them for my diary and chew on them a while. It has been said that everyone has a soundtrack to their lives. These songs must form part of my own soundtrack. Amen. Okay. Time to listen to some Rush. Rock on!

not a lot to say

2010-11-30T17:57:00.000-08:00

The weather has been cold enough to convince me I need to plug my car in. Trying to work through a bunch of Bronte books. Finished up 'Jane Eyre' (why do I keep forgetting that it ends happily for Jane and her Rochester?) and am spending time in the town of Villette with Lucy Snowe and everyone else she encounters. Trying to finish up with New Order this evening and will follow up with Enigma. Lately I have not had a lot to say; neither have I maintained much of an online presence beyond lurking. Something to make me seem even more ephemeral than usual. Reminds me of the R.E.M. song 'Disappear'. Been thinking about impermanence more than usual as well. Was there ever a time when I thought I was invulnerable? Nothing like it has come up during searches through past diaries. I keep running through 'what if' scenarios these days. "What if I drop dead while at work?" I guess the corpse I'll leave behind won't care much what happens once the essence moves on, and I doubt the essence won't care once it moves on, either. So why should I care all that much now?
For someone constantly beset with raging anxieties, this is a pretty interesting statement. Speaking of diaries, I'm revisiting my Red Book (RRC years). Tons of turmoil and new discoveries to be found in those pages. Awakenings and epiphanies, one might say. It's too soon for me to save the Red Book to computer file. That's about all I have for the time being. BYE.

Long absence and

2010-11-27T08:42:00.000-08:00

I've been pretty busy with literary stuff and tons of reading. This week my Internet connection gave me nothing but grief, so I wasn't really able to post much on here. I think I need a new modem or this one tweaked. Did some laundry this morning. Thursday I filled the last page of the 11th incarnation of my diary and today I'll probably get started on the 12th incarnation today. I also finished typing out Diary #5 this week, which got me thinking about my past (what else is new?). There's been lots of snow lately as well, so I have no reason to complain. I'd love to have more to say, but there's nothing really fascinating happening with me these days. Work's great and I've been very busy with InterLibrary Loans (novel studies and lit. circles rock!). I'm also helping students prepare for the upcoming Spelling Bee at my school. Very good stuff.
Now for a glimpse into the past.

November 26, 2000 afternoon
“Seek the truth come whence it may, cost what it will.” I just finished reading this fantastic book “Why Christianity Must Change or Die” by John Shelby Spong. ***** without a doubt. This book has spoken to me, dear diary. It contains the tiny seeds that will create a ‘religion’ of the future. A church for future generations. This is quite a seed that must be planted. Thanks be to God that Spong came to us. One more quote from Spong. “Religion is, rather, a human attempt to process the God experience, which breaks forth from our own depths and wells up constantly within us.” This was quite the book. If I could connect with the Pope and his cardinals, I would tell them about this book. I believe nearly everything about it, dear diary. Souls like Spong will live for all time in the hearts of the exiled. He and others like him awake people like me and leave us enriched. Five stars without a doubt! An incredible book! Now, onto a book about the Shah of Iran (well, the late former Shah, at any rate). I’ll return to the “The Soul’s Code” too. But there are things I need to do first. SYS!

"Why Christianity Must Change or Die" remains one of my favourite books of all time. So, that's about it. Xmas in less than a month. AUGH. BYE.

Wanted: SNOW

2010-11-13T08:07:00.000-08:00

Pardon the gripe, but without snow on the ground, I cannot get into the Xmas spirit and cannot start shopping or making my Xmas list. The sky taunted me the other day with a little bit of snow that quickly melted to naught. Now it's pleasantly grey outside but still no snow to make me smile. I understand that I'm part of a very small minority and I'm damn proud of myself for that. Meanwhile, I haven't done much with this blog for a while. For that I apologize, although nobody really has anything to say about my blog. I'll start with my obedience to the written word, and talk about 'Dialectics of Isolation' by Terdiman (the name makes me chuckle for purely childish reasons). This book is not really anything to write home about, but it did create a craving for works by Proust, Flaubert, and some guy named Stendhal. 'Dialectics of Isolation' is a study on the French novel before, during, and after the Revolution. I've read 'Madame Bovary' and I did come away with a few thoughts concerning the cruelty of love but not much else. Maybe it's time I picked it up again.
As for Proust, his 'Remembrance of things past' is a complete classic that I have yet to read. I think it's time to get reading. And I know less than nothing about that dude Stendhal, but Terdiman (snicker) champions him as one of the writers of depressing material from that period in French history. What would the emo kids think of such fellows? Of course, this adventure will have to wait until I've gotten through the likes of "England's lost Eden" by P. Hoare. Utopia seems a pleasant place, doesn't it? I don't think I'd be content with it for long, though. At least some folks are still looking for it, and in the dark reaches of New Forest, some folks thought they had found it. That's what "England's lost Eden" is about.
My transcribing Diary #5 to file is almost done. About a month's worth of entries to go. I'm pretty pleased with the progress I've made, and once I have finished with it, I can focus on other literary projects. Of course, once I get started, some things will have to fall by the wayside. Part of me wonders if I can ignore the call of "Diablo 2" for a long while. "Sims 3" is causing me some grief (par for the course) so ignoring that call will be easier (I think). Okay, that's about all. BYE.

15 years ago... #1

2010-10-31T14:17:00.000-07:00

October 16, 1995 — evening

I’ve been thinking. Mainly, the many emotions I have within me. I adore many things. Music that touches my heart, for one. One of my favorite artists is Elton John. Born in England, this singer is wonderful. I read his bio a while back. There are a few singers in this world that have a certain sort of power. I adore this power. It is the power to captivate me, to ensorcel me in the power of the song. These singers are Elton John, Meat Loaf, Jann Arden, Carly Simon, Seal, Jennifer Warnes, Celine Dion, Julie Masse, Mae Moore, and finally, Annie Lennox. There are also different groups, and here they are, Crash Test Dummies, The Proclaimers, Bare Naked Ladies, Air Supply, Pet Shop Boys, and last but not least, Supertramp. These singers and groups all fill me with a power I’ve never felt before. Many may think my choices are weird. That I should like what others like. Personally, I think Green Day sucks like crazy! Classical music is cool too. That power is so strong when I listen to the stirring music of classics like Bach and many others. New Age, Instrumental, and Jazz, however, these fill me with the power! Whenever I head New Age, I feel at peace and I feel in touch with the higher powers. How very awesome! Enough with music. My first love has always been reading. Even when I was 2, my parents would take me to the mall, where I would read the many signs there.

Studies on insanity

2010-10-19T17:30:00.000-07:00

Since I finished reading 'Visits to Bedlam', I've done some further investigation into insanity, and I came across 'George III and the mad-business' by Ida Macalpine and Richard Hunter. The knowledge that George III was insane has been floating around for some time, but I recently learned that he might've suffered from Porphyria, which might've been the cause of his episodes. However, this book is not just an account of George's struggles with his illness - it is also a very interesting window on the world of medicine and treatment of illnesses during the 1700's. Already I have learned that most doctors, especially the wealthy and well-connected ones, considered mental illness beneath their image to treat. Of course, the microscope had yet to be invented, so doctors knew next to nothing about the deeper workings of the human body and less than that about the human brain.
So far, there are two well-respected doctors quarrelling over George III like dogs scrambling over a juicy bone. And the politicos are, naturally, getting involved. Maybe it's just my nowadays sensibilities, but George III is not getting a whole lot of help from these types. Especially since there is no way they can understand what has caused his episodes. Anyway, that's what I'm reading about these days. BYE.

10 years ago... #1

2010-10-13T19:30:00.001-07:00

October 13, 2000 evening

Breezy, but not too bad. I have not written in three days, so I felt like tonight was as good a time as any. This might not be a long entry, but maybe it should be a long one. I am listening to Adiemus as I write, hoping for calm. It’s Friday the 13th, and the moon is full. Strange times ahead? It started reading two books that should really impress me. Well, one is for a course, and it looks a little dry and sounds too simple to be true. The other book is an alternate view of space. This latter book really sounds impressive. Apparently, the earth as we know it is doomed. We can’t change it, so we are running out of time. We only have a few billion years left. Does that really sound that disastrous? Not really, but I still have a lot to read. More to come. SYS!

Busy

2010-10-09T06:35:00.000-07:00

Since my last post, I've gotten a lot of reading done, some gaming done, and I've joined another online community. I just finished reading Hardy's "The Woodlanders". I didn't really like it, but I wanted a happier ending for the main character, and that wasn't in the cards. With that, I'm going to take a break from Hardy for a little while. I think I just have "Far from the Madding crowd" to read and then I'm completely done with Hardy. For some strange reason, I kept expecting a fox-hunting scene to pop up. This is Hardy, not Trollope, so nothing of the sort happened. Makes me wonder if I'm missing reading about the likes of Phineas and the Palliser clan. The constant focus on the hunt ticked me off something fierce, as I recall. Maybe I just need to curl up with a couple of Dickens' tomes. "A tale of two cities" or "Barnaby Rudge", maybe. No fox-hunting and while those books don't really end happily, I do finish them in a more pleasant mood.
Work continues to be a good ride. I joined the budget committee to see how work projects get determined and where the money goes. The library is actually a higher priority than I expected (with a leaky roof, it would have to be a pretty high priority). I couldn't stay for the entire meeting, since I had to open the library to the students, but it was a neat experience. Cannot say I am not getting involved and being proactive. Now, if only those damn books would come in so I can start the book club! A couple of parents were interested in organizing a book fair. I've not had the best of experiences with book fairs, but that probably has more to do with the fact that I was pretty much on my own when it came to running them. The parent volunteers were NOT forthcoming, sad to say. I sent an e-mail to the interested parents but have not heard back. Maybe that's as far as it will go. Ca me fait egal, really.
Back on the reading front, I'm going to start "The stories we live by" for the 2nd or 3rd time. I want to see if I've changed my opinion on the concept since I last read it. I'm pretty set in my ways by now, so probably I haven't. That's about all. BYE.

A few words

2010-10-03T05:48:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling pretty inward lately. Maybe I need to get rid of my Twitter account and a couple of other online deals. I'm never there, so why have them? I'll keep this blog, though. Not that anyone's really watching. Okay, self-pity moment is over. So is this entry. BYE.

In a Nutshell

2010-09-25T06:40:00.000-07:00

If anyone's lurking out there and actually watching this blog, I apologize for the lengthy pause. I've been working and gaming, but I have spent quite a bit of time typing out my 2001-2002 journal, so I haven't been completely idle. I believe I have said this before, but laminators are no fun when they mess up. My school's laminator went totally doo-lally the other day, which caused me no end of stress. That plastic is damn expensive, as I was (needlessly) reminded of the day that tempestuous beast went cuckoo. Not a lot of fun was had by me. Anyway, the beast seems to be doing all right, provided I keep an extra-close eye on it. On the good side, I've met most of the new kids coming from the early years schools and I met with the EBSCOhost rep for all of Canada. He showed me a few really awesome things that I can use to get the staff interested enough to use EBSCOhost. We have this pretty sweet service - better off using it! Yesterday afternoon we had another Lib.tech. meeting to further discuss EBSCO, among other things. Good times.
Meanwhile, I have been gaming and working on past diaries when I'm not at work. Sims 3 fouled up my computer last night, which didn't please me mightily. Diablo II has never given me any grief. I won't take up any space here talking about this very good game, since others have taken up enough space already, and have said things better than I could. I'm also following a "Let's Play..." deal on Youtube for anyone who might be interested in my anti-social life. I like the dude's running commentary (and his voluminous curses when his character gets killed off). Lots of awesome people out there, to be sure.
I have also been reading quite a bit, but it's all been Fantasy of late, so I don't have anything really deep or insightful to share based on my reading. That said, Dave Duncan's 'Man of his word' series is most excellent. Deep and fascinating, with complex characters and a nice plot. I couldn't ask for much more with this series. Kudos, Mr. Duncan! I'll revisit this series in a year's time and see what new thoughts I glean from it. With the last of this series behind me, I'm starting back into Dylan Thomas with "The return of the native". I'm kinda getting into a hodge-podge of different books now, which will make a nice change from the vast tide of Fantasy. Well, would I had more to say, but I don't, so I'm done for now. BYE.

Work and play

2010-09-13T18:53:00.000-07:00

Strange as it might seem, September is closing in on its halfway mark. Could the time go any faster? Meanwhile, I've done a lot of reading over the last few days. I started reading Dave Duncan's 'Great Game' series, I finished reading 'Jude the Obscure' (heart-rendingly sad at the end) and I'm reading more Atwood. Her book 'Survival', which is an eye-opener. Is Canada truly a nation of victims? That's what Atwood seems to suggest. Victims of nature, of each other, and of the world beyond our victimized borders. She found a quote that really impressed me, however. "It is meaningless to call anyone a foreigner in this country. We are all foreigners here." (J. Marlyn). R.E.M. paraphrased this quote rather nicely with their line "Everybody here comes from somewhere." Yeah, this probably wasn't what they were talking about at all, but it makes for a good connection. Canada, from its earliest Aborigninal peoples to the newest refugee seeking a safer life, is a nation of immigrants and foreigners. That is a fact. It would be better not to point fingers at each other and say 'Go back to where you came from!' If we all did that, Canada would be empty before long.
On the work front, I visited a really awesome French bookstore in St. Boniface on Saturday. Came back with half a dozen catalogues full of books from Quebec and France. A nice haul. I've already started work on a spreadsheet of books I want to buy from these catalogues. One drawback about getting books from France is that the prices are in euros. The guy suggested that the euro is like the pound (twice the amount in dollars). I just have to send him the list and the prices in euros and he'll tell me what the price is in dollars. All part of a rather busy weekend. Now I'm back to work and the classes are starting to come for library. I'm excited and hoping the books I ordered in June come in soon so I can get them on the shelves. I'm going to order as many French books as possible so I can get weeding and knocking that collection into order. And that's the plan on the work front.
Time I got back to 'Survival'. BYE.

Summer scribbles

2010-09-05T13:22:00.000-07:00

Not a whole lot of writing this summer, since the Muse and I aren't getting along that well. More reading, revisiting, and transcribing than anything else. Visiting 2001 and recalling books I read during that time. I have not yet reached September, though it is certainly coming. Journal #5 runs from Feb. 2001 to May 2002, and I'm working on July 2001 right now. I was 21 in 2001 and by then I had formed much of the outlook and beliefs that I have now. Nothing has really disturbed my beliefs to the point that I would want to junk them and seek something else. If anything, I'd suggest that my beliefs lean to a more Easterly direction than they did when I was in my 20s. When I was typing out my entries from my adolescence, my diatribes and outright rages would cause me to shake my head. Now I'm shaking my head again at how ignorant I was about other people when I was 21. I clearly showed, several times so far, that while I wanted freedom and independance (wanted to move out), I did very little to accomplish my goal. Small wonder I did not get anywhere in those days.
On the other hand, when a literary situation called for some research, I worked very hard on that. The project never went anywhere, which makes me wonder how much preparation and planning one should dedicate to a literary project. The matter is moot for now since the Muse and I aren't on pleasant terms. Besides, I've got many books I want to read and I'm back to work now, so any work on literary projects will not take much of the spotlight. Speaking of books, I just finished reading a very good book by Philippe Aries called "The Hour of our Death". A most comprehensive account of the history of death and many things relating to it. I read it back in the day (2001) and again recommend it. You don't have to be extremely morbid to like this book, either. Very graphic in some parts - nay, risque even, but that just adds to it wonderfully. Macabre stuff!
Anyway, I'm starting into "Mayor of Casterbridge" by T. Hardy. Soon I'll get into "Jude the Obscure", which I remember liking. That's all for now. BYE.

James Blunt and Ripley-stuff

2010-08-30T17:09:00.000-07:00

Listening to 'Back to Bedlam' puts me in such a reflective mood. 'High' reminds me of two guys (one I knew from university and one I knew from 1st Grade) whom I ran into during my library tech. course days. Just the fact that they remembered me sent my self-esteem soaring and always brings a smile to my face whenever I hear this song now. 'You're Beautiful' reminds me of the path I've chosen and how I have faced the truth that 'I will never be with you' (whoever that might be). 'Wisemen' is a song of triumph. 'Where are you now?' indeed! 'Goodbye my Lover' brings tears to my eyes whenever I hear it. Very poignant and powerful song. Jumping ahead to 'Cry'... a beautiful song of love and friendship. May we all find such a friend on the path through life. Mine's my diary. Okay... I'm listening to 'Goodbye my Lover' right now, so I'm going to pause for some waterworks.... Although nothing brings on the flood like Rush's 'Tai Shan'.
Still working on 'The boy who followed Ripley', by the great Patricia Highsmith. I went to the library today and got some more books. No more Highsmith for a little while. Planning to get into Thomas Hardy. 'Jude the Obscure' rocked my world back in the day, based on previous diary entries. I'm also going to try to get into some Margaret Atwood (glutton for punishment, you might say? Maybe.) very soon. Before I get into those two, I've got a book that really blew me away back in 2001 (again, based on previous diary entries) about death. I'll keep you posted. Well, I guess that's about all on the literary level. I'm back to work, which is pretty good. The books are going to come in like crazy now, and I'll have lots of work in the days to come. Still, I know darn well that I need to buy many more books. I hope to get ordering VERY soon (once most of the books I ordered are in and added to the collection.
Would that I had more to say, but I guess I'm done. BYE.

48 hrs. to go

2010-08-24T05:24:00.000-07:00

Back to work in two days. I guess I'm ready to go back. It'll be good to see the staff and chat a little about the summer with everyone. Then the kids will be back and the whole crazy deal will start anew. It's a good thing. I've got a couple of things I want to accomplish over the course of the year. First off, there's the reading group. I've got to work out a few kinks in that and figure out the course of action that will work, not only for me but for the kids and their schedules. Second, I want to create a list of resources for each subject and put these lists on the school website. I should also hand these lists out to the teachers by e-mail or leave them in their mailboxes. Anything to be helpful. That is my job, after all. So that's a rough game plan for the school year. There will be many other things happening, of course. Should make for another eventful year.
On the reading front, I've started reading Camus' 'The myth of Sisyphus'. All I remember about Sisyphus is that he was doomed to roll a heavy rock up a hill and to have the rock get away from him just as he reached the top of hill. A pretty tedious gig for all eternity, and one that might make one question their own sanity. I guess that's the name of the game in some cases. However, the essay 'The myth of Sisyphus' is a take of suicide. I'm still not sure what the link is between Sisyphus and suicide (unless the dude took his own life - that is possible). Anyone out there with suggestions - please let me know. I've barely begun reading this collection of essays, so maybe I'll make the connection before long. After I have come to the end of Sisyphus and the other essays I'm moving on to more Patricia Highsmith. I trumpeted 'The talented Mr. Ripley' recently, and I have three more books in the series waiting. Fantastic!
From my 'Home books' list I have 'When prophecy fails'. I'm not that fond of prophecy these days, as I have said, so the title caught my eye when I was in Fargo earlier this year. Imagine you were part of a group (call it a cult if you will) which was convinced that the end was coming, and that you would be rescued just before the end came. It's what steered 'Heaven's Gate' to their unfortunate end, for instance. This group had no aims to physically take their lives, however. On the big day (or night), they sat or stood around, waiting for the change to come and to be taken up. Not to spoil it for anyone, but this change never came. What do you do when something you believe in completely doesn't happen? That's the focus of this book. I'm enjoying it very much.
C'est tout. BYE.

Not regretting

2010-08-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

I'm actually starting to enjoy not having a project to work on. After close to 20 years of writing this or that novel or other story, I took a serious break this summer and have focused my energies on diary and blog writing, along with gaming and reading. Considering I moved out so I could focus on writing, I have to laugh at the way things have turned out. I am working on a project of sorts. I'm transcribing my older diaries to computer file so when I can no longer read my own handwriting, I'll still be able to read what I've written in years past. This could get me in trouble in years to come, but who's going to read these diaries of a complete nobody? Even Emily Dickinson had more fame in her life, and she was a self-named nobody. I guess I'm not really looking for fame... not that I'd find it if I was looking for it. I do feel a little bad that I'm not working with the characters I have bouncing around in my head, but right now, I'm just not into writing a whole lot. And I'm back to work in a week, so there won't be a whole lot of time to write when I get back to the grind.
Meanwhile, I've done quite a bit of reading. I just finished reading Patricia Highsmith's 'Talented Mr. Ripley'. The mark of a good writer depends on how strongly the reader feels about the characters, plot, or setting, and the character of Tom Ripley is a winner. A chameleon, a mirror, a killer, a shadow - Ripley is all this and more. I've placed holds on more books in the Ripley series, and anticipate the dude either getting caught or succeeding. Part of me wants him to get caught. All depends on what Highsmith has decided to do with him. Kudos! I'm getting back into Waugh-writings with 'Brideshead Benighted' by Auberon Waugh. I thought him a real jerk when I read 'Way of the World' a couple of years ago. That just could be his character - to be a real jerk. I used a different word actually - is git the same a jerk? I could be mistaken.
Anyway, that's about all that's going on in my little world. Back to Waugh I go! BYE.

Poverty vs. Conscience

2010-08-09T07:17:00.000-07:00

Daniel Defoe's 'Roxana' surprised me, and that's saying something. It's the first Defoe book I've ever read. I know the story of 'Robinson Crusoe' but have never read it. I plan to read 'Moll Flanders' very soon, but these are moot points. This story of a woman going from grinding poverty to high society caught me and drew me in nicely. Before I address the story itself, there are a couple of structural points I wish to make. The edition (1964) I read was pulled from the original first edition (1724), and I cannot help but wonder if changes were made in future editions. First off, there are no quotations marks and paragraph breaks to denote dialogue. I've found these in Austen, the Bronte's, Dickens... so I was pretty thrown. It's a lot of I said, he/she said stuff. Reminds me of the writing I used to do when I was 8. I know that Defoe's a better writer than I am, so I guess that's how they used to do things back in the 1700's. I guess quotation marks had either not been invented or they weren't important then.
Second structural point: No chapters! The whole thing flows without breaks of any kind. It wasn't until I was at least halfway through the book that I realized there were no chapters, so it's not the end of the world. Just could be a little annoying for folk who say 'Okay, I'm going to stop after chapter...' Apart from these two points, the rest of the structure is just fine. A few spelling differences, but normal for the 1700's. Now to get into the story proper. 'What goes through the mind of a mistress?' Defoe answers the question, more or less, with 'Roxana'. I'm sure there are mistresses nowadays who would share the protagonist's concerns and feelings, although most mistresses aren't connecting with lords, princes and high worthies in general. A successful enough businessman can keep a wife and mistress (or doxy - I love that word!) pretty well.
Roxana's conscience impresses me. I'm a cynic, so when a person (real or fictional) has morals enough to feel guilt so keenly, I'm impressed. I also find myself duelling with my conscience quite a bit, and I don't expect to be anyone's mistress anytime soon. As far as mistresses go, Roxana is quite the lucky one. Trailed by wealth and wealthy patrons from Paris to Rotterdam, to England, to a Quaker enclave, and then left in the lap of reasonable luxury with her second hubby and dealing with a ton of guilt. And what did she do, apart from sleep her way to the top? Her cunning and doting lady-in-waiting did much worse, but I'm focusing on Roxana and not her dear Amy. When faced with poverty and the fear of losing it all, what would you do?
Thought-provoking stuff. That's all. BYE.

A year abroad...

2010-08-01T17:58:00.000-07:00

Not really. More like, a year out of the house. August 1 of last year I became the proud renter of this silent little isle I call home. According to my scribbles from last year, on July 21, 2009, news of the approval came in. On July 25, 2009, the packing began. The following are jottings from various entries leading up to the move.

"Looking through history. That's what happens when packing for a move."
"I'm feeling harried. That or stressed. Just feeling harried - pushed by forces I helped bring to life but now have precious little control over. It feels like a bloody whirlwind."
"It's amazing how much is needed (stuff most would consider basic requirement) for one person."
"My God, it's becoming more real. I now have insurance. My possessions have worth in the eyes of others."

My bed went in on August 3, which made the move pretty much set in stone. I had tons of doubts and was questioning myself to no end. More jottings from this time.

"The reality continues to sink in, and there have been a couple of squalls. There is also a sense of wonder and even a sense of pleasure. A sense of knowing I triumphed and have a space that is mine to take care of and enjoy."
"It took a while for me to fall asleep, given that my worries came for another visit."
"I bought a desk and a futon. I cannot believe how much money I'm spending! And all for me!"

Since those first doubting, timid steps into this different place, I have learned quite a bit. Not so much about cooking, but I've had plenty of time to look within and have deep thoughts about life in general. I have remained TV-free (apart from when I visit the parentals), spend time reading, watching DVD's, or hanging around online. One of these days I'll be a little more productive with my free time. Anyway, that's all for now. Here's to a second year of apartment life (unless I win the lottery and go condo)!
BYE.

Universitas Communitas?

2010-07-25T18:57:00.000-07:00

I spent the last few days meandering through 'The Basic Bakunin' and a collection of works by William Morris. Morris especially speaks of a new world in his book 'News from Nowhere', and for some reason, I'm finding myself feeling great sympathy, even pity for these fellows and their dreams of a world lit by socialism. They both had such passion for their ideal, and it really made me sad to think that these days, there are not many people willing to speak so ardently about socialism. I guess people have been severely turned off by the horrible mess created by certain leaders and their armies, and nobody wants to be the first to raise those shrouds high by speaking of socialism or communism. Bakunin and his compatriots died before the 20th century, so they were spared all that mess, and were left to dream passionately about the worlds they would've created had they been heard before the dream curdled into the black shards we now call the Iron Curtain.
Bakunin especially got me thinking about the bourgeoisie and the proletariat, and where do most folks fit in these days. Slavery has been abolished for most countries these days, but I suspect Bakunin would still be able to look at certain folks and easily fit them into column A or B. I'm willing to fit myself in the category of the bourgeoisie, at least the petite bourgeoisie. I'm not just sure where the moyenne or grande bourgeoisies are today. Is Hollywood awash with the moyenne and even more proles? The latter keeps the former going, and I suspect that there are going to be many more of the latter than there will ever be the former. That's what Bakunin wanted very much for things to change, but after decades of capitalism seemingly working, how would socialism be able to change anything these days?
And what would Ayn Rand think of all this? She's gone to her rest as well, so whatever she thinks about it, she'll have to keep mum. Anyway, I just finished reading that trio of works from William Morris, and 'News from Nowhere' made me sad in a way. His novus universitas is so beautiful and even a little innocent. Not Eden innocent, but pretty close. Will this life of shared products and places ever come to pass? Capitalism and the like would have to fall by the wayside for sure, but people would still have to think and live for themselves in this world. Get what you give, for lack of a better word, and I think Rand would agree with that. So, these are my thoughts on what I've read. Approx. 1 month before I go back to work. BYE.

Heavy Reading

2010-07-21T18:06:00.000-07:00

Let's see... the most lighthearted thing I've read in the last few days was 'Measure for Measure', and while it's not one of the tragedies, it's not the most hilarious or light play Will ever wrote. A pretty good story, though. Hypocrisy, love, bawds to spare, politics; all come under Shakespeare's lens in this play. The bawds and the clowns seemed to be wiser than the leaders in some of Will's works. Meanwhile, I enjoyed reading this play and highly recommend it. Onto matters mysterious! I just finished reading 'Whodunit' by H.R.F. Keating. He has a great style about him regarding the Inspector Ghote series, I find, and his 'how to write mystery' book is also quite good. Mystery is not my personal favourite genre, but numerous names did catch my eye in this book. Marple and Poirot, Wolfe and Goodwin, Holmes and Watson (and Moriarty), Hammer and Spade, the blessed Brother Cadfael, and many, many others. Keating missed the awesome Jim Qwilleran, but the 'Cat Who...' series really came into its own after this book was published, and Keating couldn't cram'em all into this book anyway, could he?
Now I've moved on to Bakunin (again). That book on Anarchism opened my eyes to fellows in Bakunin's world, and I admit that I didn't give the guy a chance the first time I tried to read his works. I've given many things a look in my few years in this life, and there's no point in closing the book on someone just because I don't understand what they're talking about. And the failure to understand is usually on my end anyway. After Bakunin, I'm still upon the Anarchist path with William Norris. I believe it was the title 'News from Nowhere' that really stimulated my interest. Can't judge a book by its cover; should this apply to a book's title as well? Lots of heavy reading on my horizon. Before long, I'll return to the lighthearted fare, but for now, that's just the way things worked out.
In other news.... on the way to the lake last week a truck threw some gravel at my windshield, causing two nice little cracks to form. ARGH! So I went to a glass place and the guy there said they'd probably have to replace the entire windshield. ARGH!! There goes my deductible. I guess I can't get into anymore messes now, right? Not that I could've stopped that truck from doing its number on my windshield. And finally... I'm trying to get my mom interested in the Redwall series. She loved the Duncton series, so I thought I'd give it a try. Jacques has created quite a wonderful world with wonderful characters in his Redwall series. Thank you and goodnight.

Life and Times

2010-07-17T11:19:00.000-07:00

Just came back from the lake. The weather was pretty crummy and I'm glad to be back among the familiar things of my apartment. It's always nice and peaceful at the lake, but the weather spoiled it nicely for me.

Anyway, I've got some more pics from my Sim family.

Here's young Otto with his cousin watching football highlights.

People have to grow up, and so did Otto.

In Otto's case, growing up meant finding his Muse.

Calling me out?

2010-07-06T07:04:00.000-07:00

Last night I dreamed that I was in a car and I had to stop the car because I was in the opposite lane. The car turned into a book and I spent most of the dream with the book half-open in my hands as I looked for a place where I could 'park' my 'car' on the other side. The other side of the median was busy with cars and 'no parking/stopping' signs. There were similar signs along the sidestreets I tried, and I found myself getting further and further back from where I had started. The dream ended without resolution (like most of my dreams do) and I eventually woke up. This morning, I identified with the 'going back to the beginning' aspect of my dream, and I find myself wondering if the Muse is trying to tell me something. Only a little while ago, I promised myself that I would not give writing another glance for a long time. Why does it seem like the Muse is toying with me? Maybe it's just my own reaction to wanting to write but having this promise/conflict staring me in the face.
It could mean things totally unrelated to writing. Maybe I need to go back to beginning in some other part of my life. Dream analysts, feel free to throw in yer two cents! I'm pretty sure it has something to do with my decision to take a break from writing. For now, I'm seriously having second thoughts concerning my decision. Definitely something I need to think about. Elsewhere in the world, next week I'm going to the lake with friends and family. No Hydro, so no computers or Internet there. No distractions, so my diary and I can focus on the written word and ponder the future. I will be bringing a couple of books. Something from Orson Scott Card, I think. Not totally sure yet. That or 'Dark Night of the Soul'. Deep thoughts or what?
Would that I had more to say about this or about anything else, but I have a book that needs my attention. A life of Xenophon. That's what comes from typing in a keyword on the WPL OPAC and seeing what happens. BYE.

Strange feeling

2010-07-01T19:52:00.000-07:00

Will the whole summer feel like one long Sunday? Why do I feel like I need to go to work in the morning? I'm done until September now! What the heck?!

Anyway, time for a couple more pics from my Sims family; now in it's 7th generation.
Cute kid in Frannie's arms, eh? That's Otto, and he might not look bad-tempered right now, but he will be. Here's Otto in his teen years. There's been a thread of creativity running through the clan since the 1st or 2nd generation. Be it the written word or the visual medium, this is a talented family. I admire folks who have reached the 11th or 12 generation. I'm already getting tired of these guys.
Anyway, that's about it. Happy Canada Day!

Just following orders?

2010-06-25T20:28:00.001-07:00

Put these three words together and let the sadistic madness begin! It was the Nazis who first used this excuse to torture and kill millions of people they considered beneath their Aryan pride and noblility. The Allied countries breathed a sigh of relief when Churchill and Stalin joined up with the Americans to drive the Nazis back and bring as many of them as possible to justice. That's when Humanity first heard this plaintive cry, whined by so many folk who normally probably would've never dreamed of committing such horrible acts on so many people. Perhaps they were just following orders, knowing what would happen to them or to their families if they didn't follow orders. At the end of the day, however, the choices we make now make all the difference in the days to come. Those who were raised Hitler Youth went through an incredible period of disillusionment when they were forced to realized Hitler and his cronies were wrong and that they would have to live with their choices for the rest of their lives - those who survived World War II, anyway.
I'm not limiting this spiel to just the Nazis, however. Stalin was hiding his dark secrets from Churchill and the world in those heroic and tragic days. Churchill had no real love for 'those Bolsheviks', but he needed help from the Soviets to drive the Nazis back. Then Humanity greeted the Cold War with fear and trembling from the 50's to the late 80's (please correct me if I've made an error with the history). These dark secrets, known only to Russia and its Soviet satellites, rose with the coming of the NKVD (which changed its name several times through history), have only come to light since the 80's and 90's. The gulags, the Stasi Files, and KGB minions being found out and brought into the light of day; all these have contributed their elements to paint a terrifying picture of the Soviet Union. While the Nazis had some cunning and plenty of cruelty, the KGB had just as much cruelty and much more cunning.
"The perversion of knowledge' by Vadim Birstein shines a light on how the Soviets worked with their scientists and how they conducted their 'experiements' on hundreds of thousands of people. Their skill in rewriting history and forcing their people to choke it down is horrifying. Persuasion and manipulation par excellence! They didn't need death camps to get rid of people they didn't like - they just sent them to the 'scientists' to try out this or that new poisonous compound or weapon. It quakes the heart to read about these 'test subjects' and what happened to them. And these scientists were usually not the educated intelligensia, for they usually protested or refused to comply with Stalin and his ilk and were bundled off to the gulags and themselves turned into prisoners who 'died of unknown causes' or 'heart attacks'.
All in the name of putting away those who stood in the way of the KGB, and when these folk were brought to justice, guess what most of them used as their excuse? There's a bigger issue here, one of personal responsibility and accountability - enough of this 'It's not my fault' mentality - but for now, I'm going to read more of Birstein's book and cringe with my quaking heart. BYE.

The end's in sight

2010-06-19T11:36:00.000-07:00

The school year will be over in a week and a half (less than that for the kids) for me, and I have a ton of phone calls to make. Overdue books have to come in before the end of the year and the late fines have to come in as well. Sometimes the kids don't get it (some just don't care); it's a matter of responsibility.... Of course, how many 12-14 year olds understand responsibility all that well? Many do, but there are some who do not, and they couldn't care less about the consequences of their actions. I keep trying to remember if the kids I grew up with were that annoying, and then I find myself respecting my teachers all the more. I cannot imagine what the librarian thought of us! I do recall how frustrated my classmates were in high school when the librarian would tell them off for being too loud in the library, or when they brought food into the library when they knew they were not supposed to. It's interesting being able to see both sides with such clarity. And of course, we didn't have iPods or cell phones, which aren't allowed in my library either.
I have to admit, there are times when I enjoy annoying the students. Does that make me a bad person, or is that just a perk of the job? Whatever it is, I love when it happens. So, the school year is coming to an end, and I've decided that I am going to take a long break from slavery to the written word this summer. I've done enough scribbling and typing, and the time to take a break from novels has come. Maybe I should try my hand at poetry or something like that. Something shorter... although I don't know if I'd be able to try my hand at a novella or even a short story. The temptation to flesh the short story out might be too much and the next thing I knew, I'd be getting frustrated by writer's block because the story would be getting longer and longer. I don't need a lengthy, complicated project right now. Besides, there are other ways to serve the Muse.
It has been some time since I took an art class or a cooking class. Maybe I could start attending an aerobics program or tried my luck with yoga. Yoga has connections to Buddhism, and might be the next step on my spiritual path. Or I could take up bowling again and join a league. It's been a few years since I've dedicated one a night a week to anything, and might be fun. Call it a case of broadening my worldly horizons, as well as my network horizons. I don't know a lot of people in this area, and meeting new people would be helpful for me on so many levels. So, while an end's in sight, so is a beginning of sorts. Of course, I might also spend the summer holed up in my apartment playing Sims or Oblivion and doing the hermit thing, but that seems pretty depressing, right?
That's all for now. BYE.

Baha'u'llah, Blogs, and Being Bookish

2010-06-11T19:55:00.000-07:00

Another foray into matter Baha'i. This book, 'Baha'u'llah and the new era' was published in 1970, while the last Baha'i book I read came out in 1986. I'm hoping to find some newer material down the line, as I have an issue with older books. It's interesting that I'm a library tech. that has such a sensitive nose she cannot stand aging paper. I don't want to call it ironic, for I know someone's going to disagree. I can't think of irony without hearing Alanis' landmark song, but I digress. I'm not sure what this 'new era' that J.E. Esslemont speaks of, but then it's been 40 years since this book was published, and maybe this new era has passed on. Or this book could be speaking to the converted, of which I am definitely not of that number. The language makes me think that all the information mentioned has already been understood by the reader. Nevertheless, I'm reading it and finding a few very interesting, if not amusing, things.
For one, the Baha'i Faith seemed to be very much in favour of Esperanto. I was chatting with a teacher today and he asked about the book I was reading. I started talking a little bit about the Baha'i Faith and mentioned Esperanto, which the teacher had never heard of. He's either my age or maybe a little younger. If it hadn't been for 'Red Dwarf' or 'SCTV' I probably would've never heard of Esperanto either, but these days, even for those who have heard of this language, it is regarded as a joke. I feel that the Baha'i Faith missed the boat in this matter. If they are looking for a Universal language, English is already close to claiming that title. Who needs Esperanto? Actually, that's the only thing that made me laugh. The rest is more curiosity than anything else for this seeking mind. I still like the idea of an established religion that has no clergy or rituals. On the other hand, I really need to study this system and look at what its doing these days.
Blogging takes up some of my time, both writing in and reading. Some of my favourites are as follows:

http://awfullibrarybooks.wordpress.com/

http://www.cakewrecks.com/

http://thebuddhistblog.blogspot.com/

There are others, but these are the ones I visit quite a bit. Highly recommended by this resident nutjob. Meanwhile, I have some Fantasy books ahead of me. I'll make more mention of them later. Until then, BYE.

Uhhhhhhh...

2010-06-04T17:07:00.000-07:00

Actually, I don't have a whole lot to say right now. My journey through life's doing okay. The weather could be better.

Now for some scenes from my favourite fictional family.

This is Aimee. She might look like she's going to be sick, but that already happened. The baby's coming! That was only the first of two children she had. Actually, she and her mate adopted a son and then had a daughter.

Here are the two in their teens, grooving the weekend away.

That's about all. BYE.

Not standing corrected... yet

2010-05-31T18:15:00.000-07:00

I'm reading 'Farther shores' by Dr. Y. Kason, which concerns mystical experiences and how they can change one's life. I'm skeptical about anything I consider 'New Age', and at first blush, this book screamed 'New Age' at me. I never gave much thought to Near-Death Experiences, which Kason suggests are as much a mystical experience as astral travelling or attaining Enlightenment. To the best of my knowledge, I have never had a mystical experience in this life, and I am a complete agnostic on such matters. To put it bluntly, I know naught about it! However, this book, like so many I have read, eagerly contributes to the pile of things I know little about but would like to know more about. Amazing what you can find when you type in the keyword 'Kundalini' in the WPL catalogue. I first heard about Kundalini Yoga while watching 'Insight into Sikhism', and wanted to learn more. So here I am, reading about matters relating to Kundalini, to the body's chakras, etc....
While I've never had a Near-Death Experience, there are some facets of the mystical experience that I have known in the past. Not too many, but enough to make me think. Now, if I really believed in this business, I might start into meditation and the like, trying to stimulate my chakras and get the energy flowing. For some reason, while the concept of the chakras is completely acceptable, whenever I think about it, something in my head screams 'New Age gobbeldygook!' This is why I will probably never completely immerse myself in this or that religion. Too skeptical for such an undertaking (not really trusting in others, either, but that's beside the point). I'll need to do a lot more examination, both upon the concepts and upon my own murky mass of faults and virtues before I make any real decision.
Neither hot nor cold, and didn't the New Testament's J.C. say something about people who were neither hot nor cold? Well, I guess I'm headed for Purgatory, but I'm totally okay with that. Of course, that's assuming I wind up back on the Christian path in the last years of my life, which could happen. Meanwhile, I'm going to continue to read this book and try to tell the skeptic in my head to shut up. BYE.

Ghostly!

2010-05-24T05:46:00.000-07:00

When Sims die, their ghosts come out to play. Here are a couple of lovely ladies trying to shed phantasmic pounds.

Past meeting present. I think he's telling her she's out of this world.

Sweltering!

2010-05-19T17:41:00.000-07:00

Looks like summer's come early. Hopefully these last couple of days are only just the beginning, and not the end of summer, as it has been in previous years. It isn't that rain is unwelcome - it's just that having days of rain and cool weather in July and August can be wearing. At any rate, I've needed the AC in the apartment and definitely could use the AC at work. Very hot in the library these days, and opening the windows does nothing. The May long-weekend is closing in, which surprises me (surprised at how close it is already - time flies when one's having fun) every time I think about it. I've got plans for the long weekend, but nothing overly spectacular. I'll probably do some shopping (assuming the weather isn't unbearably hot) and clinging to my beloved AC (assuming the weather IS unbearably hot). With the coming of Victoria Day, the WPL's back to closing on Saturday, which can be annoying for those who can't get to their local library during the week.
I'm getting lots of reading done lately. Halfway through Chaucer's 'Canterbury Tales' and I'm starting upon 'Mariel of Redwall'. Reminds me of all the wonderful books I missed growing up because I was foolishly immersed in Shakespeare and the like. Part of growing up too fast, I guess. No big loss, since I'm catching up now. Brian Jacques is a pretty good writer. Thousands of kids cannot be wrong, right? I've been recommending the Redwall series to anyone who will listen. Reminds me of the Duncton series by W. Horwood. I've never read 'Watership Downs', but I suspect that anyone who loved that book will enjoy the Redwall series. Kenneth Oppel's 'Darkwing', 'Sunwing', and other books are similar in concept as well. My folly that I have yet to read Oppel's series. Lots of catching up to do, eh?
All part of my plan for the summer. Reading, relaxing, and saving money for the future. Sounds boring, but one day I might have enough money saved for something REALLY incredible. I've been on an India kick lately (MAHABHARATA!) so that's where my thoughts have been. India's expensive, though. I've checked already, and such a trip would break the bank for sure. One day it'll happen. I'm feeling optimistic right now about it. Anyway, that's what's going around in my head for the time being. BYE.

Miscommunication with da Muse

2010-05-12T15:06:00.000-07:00

We don't talk much anymore, the Muse and I. That or I'm just not as interested in writing as I once was. Beyond scribbling in my journal and blogging, I'm just not into working on any projects. My focus has moved somewhat, and unless I really believe in what I'm doing, I see no reason to dedicate a lot of time to it. I've traded the flavour of Fantasy for Introspection. If I do get back into novel-writing, it will have to be related somehow to the massive inner examination. This book, like all the rest, will probably not reach the bookstore shelves, as I don't have a whole lot of drive beyond the writing part of the journey. Revision is not my strong suit, and I don't have a lot of patience or interest in revising. Also, I spent my teens and 20s writing novels out, and I think I'm a little tired of it. Therefore, I'm going to dedicate more time to reading (as if I didn't already spend a lot of time reading) and looking within. More blog-fodder, you might say.
Elsewhere, I'm revisiting 'The words of my perfect teacher', which astounded me a while ago. Still astounds me, and is definitely a book I would like to have on my shelf. Assuming there are still copies floating around out there, since I would never steal a book from the WPL. After I have finished reading this wonderful, enlightening book, I will get back to Pepys and make it right to the end. Then comes Shakespeare, which enlightens in its own way. King Richard II, which was fairly bloody, if I recall correctly. One series I'm tiptoeing into is B. Jacques' 'Redwall' series. A little young for me? Never too old to enjoy a good book, and 'Mossflower' was certainly a good book. I'm not reading this series in any particular order. That will come later, assuming I like enough of the books.
I guess that's about all for now. I'll get back to characters, plot and setting another time. Just not feeling the Muse's touch right now. Besides, the Muse speaks in so many voices. Maybe I'm just not listening with the right ear. BYE.

Pepys' prose

2010-05-08T19:05:00.000-07:00

I haven't had much of a literary challenge lately, so I decided to attack 'The shorter Pepys'. The highlights from his 9 vol. diary, to be brief. That would have to be a blogger's dream - getting their ramblings enshrined in leather-bound luxury for future generations to prize and cherish. I've been scribbling in various journals for almost 20 years now, but I doubt I'll reach 9 volumes (or even 3 volumes) anytime soon. Samuel Pepys, meanwhile, held a powerful vantage point from his esteemed place in the royal court of the 17th century, and enjoyed much of the perks of upper-class British life. It isn't so much that his writing crackles with depth and poignancy, but that he was around during a time we can only read and wonder about, and that his scribbles call us back to a time when the human species was much more innocent (or ignorant, depending on whom you ask).
Some might actually find his writing a little dry. He wasn't much for soul-searching (like what I do when I put ink to paper), and each entry is more an account of the day's events before he went to bed. I did notice he liked to party a lot and then complained bitterly about his hangovers the next day. There are several entries were he swears he'll never touch a drop and then a few entries later he's out partying with colleagues till all hours of the night. Probably one of the few flaws I've noticed in his character, and that's pretty normal for anyone. Spirit willing but the flesh is weak.... There is some male chauvinism in his character, but for his time, that's totally acceptable. I'd know better to go after a man for being a sexist pig in the 17th century, since that's just the way it was, and it wasn't going to change for a long while yet.
So that's Pepys so far. It's a thick book and I've only a few days left before I have to either turn it in or renew it. I'm not yet halfway, so I should get a move on. BYE.

Back thru da past

2010-05-01T11:47:00.000-07:00

I'm a slave to nostalgia (esp. the 80's), and lately I've been looking through my older diaries. I'm coming across books I read several years ago and realize that I really should give these books another look. Maybe there's something I missed the last time. Then there's the many famous names I've dropped in between the pages. For instance, I mentioned something by Nietzsche but never got around to reading. Meanwhile, the month of May has dawned and there are only a few weeks before the end of the school. The EA's are already counting down the days. The teachers probably are as well, but I've only heard it from the EA's. I'm working out my plans for the summer. They involve (so far) putting more money away for a future development (Condo, anyone?) and perhaps taking lessons in some instrument (piano... or maybe join a choir - still undecided there).
On the literary front, I'm reading a stunning book called 'The Dzogchen primer', compiled and edited by Marcia Binder Schmidt. Makes me want to seek out a guru or a virtual sangha for my own spiritual progress. Ever feel like you're at a cross-roads or in a rut spiritually? That's kinda how I'm feeling right now. Actually, looking at my stance in a harsher light, I'm looking for some validation. Am I really on the right path? Why am I not seeing any change? Where do I go from here? Am I not doing enough? What's it going to take? Perhaps, if I really had a clear path, I wouldn't feel I need validation from anyone? Besides, is a guru really there to validate someone else's feelings? Not really. He/she's there to teach and keep you on the path. I don't think he/she's there to make you feel special and validated.
Maybe I'm just whining right now. This calls for more reflecting and longer diary entries! Oh, and one more thing. I'm starting to focus on the Baha'i faith. Since I saw those PSA's back in the early 90's, I've kept the Baha'i faith at the back of my mind. Now maybe it's time to explore this faith a little deeper. I'd also like to find those PSA's again. No luck on Youtube. Just keep looking, I guess. BYE.

Grow old, but never grow up

2010-04-25T19:34:00.000-07:00

I finished reading J-P Sartre's 'Age of reason' yesterday, and it got me thinking about my own stance on age. The characters in the book had a rabid fear of getting old and dealing with all the responsibilities that middle age brings with it. The main character was 35 and deeply miserable and fearful about it. He wanted nothing to do with taking responsibility for things he had done, and he surrounded himself with a bunch of whiners who wanted nothing to do with growing old. Reminds me of the way some hippies reacted when they realized they were approaching 30. Their philosophy was 'never trust anyone over 30', after all. Maybe they read 'Age of reason' and identified with it. Many of the hippies who made it past 30 eventually realized they needed to embrace reason and make the changes reason demanded.
Time and its changes are inevitable, and there's nothing our youth-oriented culture can do about it, no matter how much money it wastes to try and 'turn back the clock'. What is so attractive about being young, anyway? Children want to become adolescents and have new experiences; adolescents want to become adults and have all the freedom that comes from being adults. Then, around 35-40, some adults look back and yearn to be adolescents again and have the freedom and innocence of youth. 'The grass is always greener on the other side' -- where aging is concerned, truer words were never spoken. Or, to put it another way, society is never satisfied with its present position. Small wonder change is constant!
My dad has his own philosophy about age and time. 'If you can't stay young you can at least stay immature.' Actually, he got that from Steve Smith of Red Green fame, but it works for him and it works for me. Once I got past 20 it was smooth sailing, and I don't want to go back to my adolescence. Childhood might be nice, but it's not going to return in this life time, so I'm not going to pine for it. Besides, I go into a nostalgic haze every time I'm driving through my old neighbourhood or listening to pretty much anything from the 1980's or 1990's. 40 is just 10 years away for me, but I have no intention of dwelling on this fact. 30's pretty good, and things can only get better from here on in.
Okay. That's about all. BYE.

Othello, insecure fellow

2010-04-18T09:57:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to catch up on my Shakespeare, and I just finished reading 'Othello'. I'm not sure what I want to focus on first, but I think Othello's insecurities are a good place to start. The fact that he fell as hard as he did for Iago's clever lies and lures is a sign that maybe he had doubts himself in Desdemona's faithfulness, and just needed a little push for the trap to close on him. Of course, the handkerchief went a long way to confirming his doubts. The days of the lady keeping some token of her lord's love are far in the past, and I don't know if there's a modern equivalent for this token, but if Othello needed some 'proof' of Desdemona being unfaithful, Iago sure gave it to him. Granted, Iago gets his in the end, but what a violent end in the name of vengeance for a wounded ego!
But back to Othello's insecurities. The man was a great soldier and a leader of men, but he wasn't a great judge of character (believing Iago over his own wife). On the other hand, there's a chance he didn't believe his relationship with Desdemona was very strong or viable. Back in Othello's day (not to mention the 1950's), interracial relationships were very controversial, and anyone who loved for the sake of love, with no matter who it was, had a uphill climb in the face of a cruel and ignorant society. I am just assuming here that Desdemona was white (if I'm wrong, so be it), which would make her and Othello's relationship very rough going. Shakespeare's play is riddled with racial slander when Iago speaks of Othello to others (especially to Desdemona's father), which leads me to believe that it was an interracial relationship.
Meanwhile, Iago's cunning plan worked like a charm, up until the end, when he was punished for putting the murder in Othello's heart, which resulted in Desdemona's death and Othello's suicide. So, that's what I've been reading for the past couple of days. Now I've got 'Antony and Cleopatra' warming up. More thoughts on the horizon? Of course. Now I'll close and think about my own rampant insecurities. BYE.

What -- Me worry?

2010-04-12T17:09:00.000-07:00

Definitely! I came face-to-face with a ton of worry-induced stress a few nights ago, and I don't know what my next steps should be regarding my frustrating psyche. I'm a definite worrywart, but if this worrying interferes with my life, I really need to make some changes. Hard to change ingrained thought patterns, however. I think there will be many more diary entries relating to this topic in the days and weeks to come. I've also come to the conclusion that learning the cause of all my worries isn't as important as figuring out how to deal with the effect. It could all be part of being 30. Maybe I need to make numerous changes in my life now that I've reached this ripe old age. This isn't a mid-life crisis deal, but it probably comes close. First off, I need to focus on all this stress and worry and change things there.
Elsewhere in the world, I'm reading the works of Umberto Eco. He's hilarious and thought-provoking. I recently finished his 'Misreadings' and am starting on 'Apocalypse postponed' this evening. O to meet this incredible man! I guess I'd have to go to Italy just for the chance, and let's be honest; I haven't the money or the time to make such a trip. And even if I did have both the dough or the time, Italy is chock-full of sights to see that I'd run out of time to meet with Mr. Eco. Still, it's a nice dream. After I've finished reading 'Apocalypse postponed' I'll be getting back into Shakepeare. I am so behind with the Shakespeare stuff.
It's Heritage Fair time at my school, and the Library is closed for the next couple of days. I spent my time adding to the list of books I plan to order for next year. In one of the preview boxes I received a few days ago, I came across a 'choose-your-own-adventure'-style series done a la graphic novel. The best of both worlds! Perfect for struggling readers! I loved the 'Choose-your-own-adventures' series when I was younger. Anyway, that's how life has been for me. Worries, readings, and orders. BYE.

Freaking out in Fargo

2010-04-04T14:59:00.000-07:00

I spent half of my Spring Break vacation in Fargo driving around and shopping. I did my share of driving, and I guess driving around an unfamilar city caused me a lot of stress. My mom, sister, and I returned home yesterday and I'm still trying to deal with the residual stress. I worry needlessly about many things, and the thought that I might die of something stress-related (because of my worries) stresses me out even more. It's a no-win situation, and one I'm trying to examine and learn the root cause of. There must be some reason for me to worry like this, and until I can afford (money/time) the services of a respected outsider (analyst, etc...) I only have the comfort of the written word (my own and the examples of others) to help me find my way.
Meanwhile, Fargo was most enjoyable (when I wasn't stressed out about being stressed out). I hadn't been in the U.S. for several years, and cross-border shopping was certainly welcome. Although the Canadian dollar is approaching parity (again), things are still cheaper in the States. Still, with the worldwide recession, there were fewer Canadians in Grand Forks and Fargo doing their shopping. This absence was felt by the staff in the hotel's restaurant. This time, instead of taking a simple room, we rented a suite for three nights, and that increased space made all the difference. Next time I go to the States, I think I'll choose a suite again (who wants to go alone?) for my group. The only drawback with this hotel was the poor quality of toilet paper, but that's really no big deal.
Elsewhere in my little world, I have 200 pages left until I have finished reading that massive Intro. to Philosophy book. Ch. 33 and William James. Finally I've reached the 20th Century with these philosophers. I'm pretty pleased that I haven't given up on this book yet, and now, with only 200 pages left, I don't have much of a reason to stop now. Definitely time to make one last push and reach the last paragraphs of John Rawls. I also have the immortal John Shelby Spong to look forward to. Fantastic writer. Okay. That's about all I have for the time being. BYE.

Soft skin and strong codes

2010-03-29T08:57:00.000-07:00

Had my first spa day ever yesterday. A different experience; fascinating and definitely enjoyable. Maybe I should do this every couple of years. I should be able to afford going to a good spa and getting a pedicure and a fine massaging. The paraffin treatment on my hands was the most unusual part of the whole experience. Like wearing really hot mitts without thumbs. Lots of warm towels and steam to open my pores. It turns out I have really dry skin (REALLY?). Not on my feet, which was completely unexpected, but on my face. Obi Wan Kenobi said it best; "You have taken your first step into a larger world." For me, a world of moisturizers and lotions. Pampering the outer chica, so to speak. Not something I usually do. Mainly because I'm lazy and completely uninterested in that stuff. Yesterday was something of an eye-opener. After this most enjoyable morning, I met with Mom and my sister for lunch. Parking at the Forks was insane, but that's normal during the weekend.
As I mentioned the other day, I had planned to be deep in matters relating to the Samurai. Why can't people adhere to strict codes of honour anymore? Anyway, I'm reading 'Hagakure: the book of the Samurai' by Yamamoto Tsunetomo. I don't think it's the entire book, however. The translator apparently picked 300 out of the 1300 sayings and stuck them in this book. O to understand Japanese! The matter of committing seppuku is the ultimate end of obedience to a code of honour and ethics. And some of these warriors were ordered by their master to commit seppuku and they actually did it! That speaks of great honour and loyalty to the master. Again I'm reminded of the mighty kings and warriors in the 'Mahabharata'. If the treasured sage Drona had so willed it, men like Arjuna and Bhima would've gladly committed seppuku (or something like it).
People don't seem to have as great a respect for such codes or for oaths anymore. Something sad about that. Anyone interested in chatting about this, let me know. Going south this Wednesday if the roads stay open. That's all. BYE.

Buoyant again

2010-03-26T20:51:00.000-07:00

Not that I was down in the dumps before, but Spring Break officially starts now, and I've got a week of rest and relaxation ahead of me. I'm reading 'Mejda: the family and the early life of Paramahansa Yogananda' but I should have that done before I leave with the gals on Wednesday for Fargo. I should be either deep in stuff about the samurai or deep in Book 2 of the Raj Quartet. Sooner or later, I knew I'd find myself entrenched in matters spiritual of one form or another. This evening, while driving home from the family homestead, I ventured down familiar paths of constant impermanence and the perceptions of others. It's not a matter of what others think of you that counts (at least, it shouldn't matter once you've moved on), but how others have perceived you will determine how you're mourned.
Being mourned is inevitable, as no matter how terrible a person you were, someone is going to remember the good choices you made once and will mourn you based on those good choices. Saints have flaws and monsters have virtues, no matter what anyone else is going to say about it. Good cannot exist without evil, so everybody is going to be mourned. Even if nobody comes to your funeral, someone is going to mourn in their heart for you. Nobody is completely anonymous forever. By the way, I have no idea why I ventured down this path - I don't see myself as being morbid (paranoid, certainly), but anyone who reads this post might perceive me as such. Will that be among the things said at my funeral? 'She was introspective to the point of being morbid and self-deprecating to the point of non-existence'. I've heard of worse perceptions. I can live with that (not that I would care by then).
I was thinking today about what I would do if I had 5 seconds to live (thanks to this game) and I guess that's why I got to thinking about everything else. Games. Keep'em. Anyway, that's about all. BYE.

End of the British Raj

2010-03-20T19:43:00.000-07:00

I'm reading Paul Scott's 'Raj Quartet' (skipped book 2 since I couldn't get a hold of it at the time), and I'm finding it easy to romanticise (sic?) over the coming of India's independance and the end of the infamous British Raj. I've read 'The jewel in the crown' already and I'm in the middle of 'Towers of silence'. The Brits riding out the last days of Britain's dominance are doing their best to hold on to what was. Did Joe Q. Public out in India know that Independance was near? Did he understand what that meant? Those who understood better than others seemed to be lamenting the approach; much in the same way we lament the approaching loss of a dear friend or family member as he/she slowly and steadily loses the battle to survive. Those who don't mourn and lament try their darndest to deny the end is close. That's what's happening in these pages as well.
There are people who have a very hard time accepting change (of any kind) in this life. Usually, when things change, it looks like it will be either for the good or for the bad, but it's just different in the end. Sometimes it's just better to say, 'Let the chips fall where they may.' When India and Africa were freed from Britain's control, I wonder what their leaders would've thought/said/ done had they been able to see 50 years (or even 20-30 years) into the future. I'm reminded of 'Mahabharata' at this point. Bhishma, long after making his memorable vow, bitterly regretted it, seeing how terribly everything had gone afterward. Since we cannot know what the result of our actions will be (that far into the future), at the end of the day, all we can do is say 'What's done is done.' Ignorance isn't bliss, but it sure can feel reassuring.
Even keeping a diary could cause me incredible regret 20-30 years from now. On the other hand, 2014 is only a few years away, and I'm still very grateful for those early scribbles. The good, the bad, and the angst-ridden (which turned very ugly at times). Anyway, I guess I'm done with this digital scribbling for tonight. BYE.

Birthday business

2010-03-13T15:42:00.000-08:00

I spent my birthday night playing Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. Great way to celebrate a milestone, eh? Meanwhile, my immediate family is treating me to supper tonight. I just finished reading Stan Lee's bio 'Excelsior' today. Easy read and lots of fun. I would've like to see a longer and more detailed account of this guy's life, however. There had to be more to the man's life than this slim deal. Hopefully someone will make a more detailed account after Lee has passed on. Before I got into 'Excelsior', I read a stunning and sorrowful book called 'Silence'. Sometimes the missionary ends up going down a most futile path where conversion is concerned. The concept of apostasy is also addressed in this book. When is it really apostasy? Isn't this a matter to be addressed in the heart? It's really more than a formality, or at least it should be more than a formality. If you form a belief, you need to form it completely in the heart and mind. Turning your back on said belief has to happen in both heart and mind as well for it to be true apostasy.
I'd like to get into this in more detail, but I don't have time. BYE.

6 days to go...

2010-03-06T06:01:00.000-08:00

Dancin' on the edge of 30, and I'm excited. I cannot explain it, for I know 30's a downer for many people. 20 was a downer for me, but 30 just makes me want to jump for joy. I just finished reading the last book in King's 'Dark Tower' series. It still escapes me why King put himself in the story. Maybe he wanted to live the experiences his tragic characters lived. Is there another series so intense out there? I think this series is truly a case of man and/vs. Muse, and while I'm not really impressed by the end of the story (it isn't really a satisfying resolution; anti-climax, actually) it serves its purpose as an ending. One way or another, King's done with this series, and I'm pretty sure there will never be a 9th book (not written by King, anyway). I wonder if anyone's done any fan fiction concerning this series. That would make for some interesting reading.
My focus has moved back to Forsyth and 'The dogs of war'. I'm hoping to see the same (or a similar) level of attention to detail that he applied to 'Day of the Jackal'. That is a splendid book, and anyone seeking to breathe life into their characters should go over it several times. I've read it 3 times already myself, and I might read it again in a few years. Exquisite stuff. Getting back to King for a moment, I've got the beloved 'Needful Things' waiting in the wings. I usually don't have a favourite book by anyone or about anything, but this is my favourite Stephen King book. Highly recommended, and not really nightmare-inducing. A study on wants and what happens when people forget this Rolling Stones song, which makes for a fairly good adage.
With the coming of March, the weather is getting nicer and nicer all the time. Soon Spring will be here, and then the cankerworms (UGH!) will dance and dangle from the trees. This area is a little older than So. St. Vital, so there will be MORE of the little mindless leaf-chewers. Stressful times ahead, I fear, but there's no reason to freak out right now. BYE.

Perceptions and other stuff

2010-02-27T06:51:00.000-08:00

I'm reading 'The jewel in the crown' by Paul Scott. Perceptions and perspectives come into play here very much. Fascinating stuff, really. Thanks to my fascination with 'Mahabharata', I've been focusing on India quite a bit. The time of Partition grows near for the folks in 'The jewel in the crown', and everybody's antsy.

Now for the other stuff, which shouldn't surprise anyone.

The baby the guy's holding is the woman in the second picture.

And here's the woman again, playing chess with somebody in a nightgown.

Apologies if this post looks a mess when it's published.

BYE.

On the Literary Front #7

2010-02-20T13:07:00.000-08:00

"Breathe life into the world you've created." Sage advice from a treasured teacher I had in Grade 12. Little flashes of description coming together to brighten and colour the world. I continue to heed the call of the Muse, and I'm enjoying the act of creation. The 'stranger in a strange world' motif is definitely coming into play in this literary project. Not only is my protagonist learning about the world he's part of, but so am I (and maybe even someday a reader will learn about it as well). I'm starting to see this world. Using a computer makes things less set in stone, so everything about the world I'm crafting for my characters can still change. Makes me wonder what J.R.R. Tolkien would've done with a computer? I bet he'd ignore it and continue to work with pencil, paper, and maybe a typewriter. Ray Bradbury wants nothing to do with computers as far as writing is concerned. I wonder what he thinks about fan fiction?
Elsewhere on the literary front, I'm reading a series by Garth Nix. I'm still trying to get my hands on the first book in the series (presently reading book 2 and I have book 3 in waiting). Not the long series (the one named for days of the week, I think it is), but that one may soon follow. I'm also trying to get through the 'Dark Tower' series. I have the 6th book in waiting and I just borrowed the 7th in the series. Pretty pleased about getting through it fairly quickly. Anyway, that's what's going on with me right now. February is almost done. My b-day is closing in. Yeeee-haaaaaa! BYE.

Hail Louis Riel!

2010-02-12T19:48:00.000-08:00

Monday's Louis Riel Day and most folks get the day off. I'm in the school system, so I get the Monday off as well. But before that it's the coming of the Festival du Voyageur. I'm not going to gush about the Olympics (especially everybody and his dog is going to go on and on about it). Sad to say, the Olympics is not one of my priorities in this world. I'd much rather sit within my hovel and read. On the other hand, I'm going to the Festival tomorrow! I don't know if I have a ceinture hanging around, but that's okay. Ma tuque n'est pas rouge non plus. Bof. I plan to drink some too-hot chocolate 'milk' and burn my tongue nicely. Then I plan to look at the ice and snow sculptures. My sister's treating me to some sucre on a stick, which is killer sweet on the tastebuds.

We're also planning to stop in at a store that could soon become my favourite place to shop. La boutique du livres, to be precise. They've got a ton of French comics, books, music, etc.... Walking through there reminds me of my childhood and brings such a smile to my face. I'm hoping to buy a few comics from there before we move on. The weekend's fun doesn't stop there, as there's a plan afoot Sunday to hang out with Grandpa for lunch. Just have to let him know. Meanwhile, the parental units have gone south for their yearly two weeks in the sun and fun. Someday I'll get back to Mexico. Just need to save for a while yet.

I finished reading book 5 of King's monumental 'Dark Tower' series. Is there a plural of series? Is it the same as moose? Something to think about.

Now, time for a couple of pics from a simulated trip to France.

Let it snow?

2010-02-07T07:47:00.000-08:00

Now Washington D.C. is getting a snow day! Did the groundhog see his shadow or what? Actually, I've just got some family pics from a simulated family in a simulated world.

General update

2010-01-30T18:40:00.000-08:00

I've been dividing my leisure time between playing a new computer game, reading, and working on literary projects. Well, it's a new game as far as I'm concerned. Warcraft III (not World of Warcraft, since I don't have enough time/interest to spend online), and so far, I'm enjoying it. I'm playing an undead hero who's out to bring destruction to the land of the living, and it's been quite a bit of fun. Except when my melee fighters keep getting turned into sheep by those pesky sorceresses. That reminds me of Hexen II; another game where sheep seem to play a large role. What is the fascination with sheep? With the minds behind Sims, it's llamas, but SHEEP? Strange at times. Meanwhile, I'm halfway through the undead phase of the game and I don't really have the hang of melee fighting. Another reason why I wouldn't enjoy World of Warcraft.
On the reading front, I just finished reading Cressida Cowell's 'How to be a pirate'. It might seem a little young compared to much of what I read, but her series wasn't around when I was younger. I have much catching up to do. Cowell has a good writing style and I like the illustrations. Very good, considering they are supposed to be hand-drawn by the 'true author' of the story. They lend the right amount of realism and make the reader believe that Cowell's main character really is telling the story. Soon I'll be starting upon Rand's 'Anthem'. Back to the serious stuff. Oh, and I finished reading the second installment of 'Naruto' recently as well. Is my choice of literature getting younger? Considering the clientele I work with, I think reading manga and the like is a good enough idea.
And then there's the literary project that I know I need to work on. The Muse comes when it will, and it comes intermittently for me, which is frustrating at times. However, I'm doing what a teachers advised I should do. I'm creating the world my characters live in. Much like playing Sims... only I'm describing the world so that others can see it in their mind's eye. That's what's been going on with me since my last post. BYE.

Closing it down

2010-01-22T22:11:00.001-08:00

I'm movin' up in the world! The division accepted my request for a transfer to a middle school the week before last. That's not the real reason for my posting this evening, though. The local laminator is a little messed up, and now everyone's smelling the nastiness of burning plastic. That contraption and I do not co-exist well in the workplace, but changing it and maintaining it is one of my duties. I don't know when someone last cleared the gunk from the heat rollers on that thing, but I suspect all that gunk probably jammed up one of its sensors. This particular model usually takes 15 mins. to heat up, only it was over 25 mins. today and it continued to heat up. Then came the (ugggh) stench of burning plastic as smoke (or steam -- the jury is still out) started wafting up from the heat rollers. This happened the other day as well, but now the plastic is all messed up on the rollers. This laminator is offline!
I got in touch with the local service company, and man, is the price for the guy just walking through the door steep! I know laminators ain't cheap, but WOW! And then it's additional for the parts. Almost as nauseating as the stench of burning plastic. So that was my day today. After some conferring, it was decided that the service guy needed to come through the door and have a look at the mess. He'll be in next week. I'm relieved, to be sure. I did not want my parting act to have the flavour of 'burn in...' That phrase went through my head over the last couple of days whenever I thought about that miserable laminator. Things will be (hopefully) taken care of before I make my switch.
I am going to miss those kids (and the staff as well). But I've got a whole bunch of new kids to look forward to. I guess that's about all for now. I'm reading Hegel and trying to make sense of it. Now it's time for the weekend. BYE.

Strange feeling

2010-01-16T06:39:00.000-08:00

One publishing house I've come to respect is Shambhala. If not for this group, so many great teachings and documents would have never reached the West. I have several books from this publishing house already, and know there are many more that I have yet to read. What I like about Shambhala is that they do not dumb down the material. They are trying to make the teachings available to everyone, but they do warn if this or that is too difficult for the beginner down this path. Reading books published by this group brings a smile to my face and a delight to my spirit, so when I come across something from them in the library, I eagerly seize upon it and get reading. My most recent discovery is the Diamond Heart series, and I've started with the 4th book in the series. I also have the 2nd book in the series in waiting, and will get to it as soon as possible.
This book, I'll admit, troubled me for a while. It screams 'California' and 'New Age' in my head, and I usually avoid 'New Age-y' stuff like the plague. The music works out all right, for the most part, but the books I have come across relating to 'New Age' usually annoy me after a while. They talk in enigmas and circles, and they give me a headache. Books on Buddhist teachings give me occasional headaches, but I come away eventually feeling good. Books I have branded as 'Californian' give me a headache and a feeling of 'get this book away from me'. This feeling came over me as I read 'Indestructible innocence' (4th book in the series), but I'm going to keep reading it. I'm not a glutton for punishment, and I do have a reason to get through to the end of this book.
It's turning out to be well-trod ground, which I do not have a problem with. What is well-trod for some is the road n'er travelled by others. Those who wish to start on the path but would rather avoid the Buddhist terms and use terms they can better understand would find this book (can't speak for the series yet) to be a good choice. I don't like New Age because it occasionally gets bogged down in convolution and the 'hippy-dippy', but this book is trying hard to avoid such detours. I'm going to see this journey through just in case I come across something yet undiscovered. Anyway, that's what's going on in my life. BYE.

I give you, the weekend

2010-01-09T08:18:00.000-08:00

Very cold weather has hit Winnipeg over the past week. Snow seems to be falling on every big city in the world. England even got more than its fair share of Winter this year. It's times like these when perspective plays a huge role. Canadians (especially 'Peggers) shook their heads mockingly as the Brits lamented and bewailed their plight, while the kids had a snow day and lots of fun with the snow. Worst Winter in 30 years, the headlines said. We in Canada would call that December, or January, or February, or March... or May. It has happened before and it may happen again. I remember when Toronto called out the army when they got snowed under. 'Peggers again shook their heads and snorted derisively. To this day, 'Peggers still chuckle as they recall how pitiful Toronto was. Things are a little different for England, however. This is a nation more used to rain and fog as their winterscenes. Besides, shovelling is a real pain for anyone.
I forgot to plug my car in last night, so hopefully it will start when I head out into the world today. I'm listening to John Lennon this morning. #9 Dream, to be precise. I guess it's as good a title for a song as anything. Ah bawakawa pousse pousse, indeed! It will be thirty years this December since the man himself was ushered into his next life. He could be anyone or anything that walks this planet today. But enough meandering through reincarnation and rebirth. I'm reading about Tibetan Buddhism, so I may go off on such tangents. I've been duelling with doubts and worries this past week (quelle surprise!), and I'm hoping this will pass before long. I do this way too much, I think. Could it bring me a heart attack someday? Hope not, but so be it if it does.
I guess that's all I have to say. BYE.

Fresh paper!

2010-01-02T10:29:00.000-08:00

Another diary filled, another diary in waiting. Makes me wonder if there's a record for longest time someone's kept a diary. Only the minds at Guinness would know for sure. I'm closing in on the 20 year mark, assuming I've done the math correctly. Let's see... I received my first diary for Xmas 1992 and really started writing in it in 1994... it's 2010 now.... Assuming I start with 1994, it has been 15 years since I got to scribbling. I was hoping to post a little something from that first journal into this post. Unfortunately, I cannot seem to find the flash drive that has all that memorial goodness. Also, my PC doesn't have Corel Word Perfect (my laptop does, but I don't have the Internet on my laptop). I'll find a way to put some ancient scribbles up on to this blog one day. I guess I could post from my parents' house... they've got Corel.
Oh well. In the meantime, I've started reading 'Indestructible truth' for the 3rd time. I've got a system (like many anal folks do) for books I like. I've got two lists going (books to reread in a year; books to reread in two years). I just don't have a third list started. Maybe I should. Call it 'books to purchase' so I'm not always going to the library. Of course, if I can't purchase the book, then maybe I could put it back on the Two Years list. Just me mumbling o'er meaningless matters. I'm also working through 'Classics of Philosophy', which has over 1000 pages. I'm close to halfway, and this time, I will not give up until I've come to the end of it. Then I have to decide whether it's worth keeping or giving to CD. Somebody's going to want this behemoth of a book.
I dug out my Mp3 player today. Busy charging it. I'm never sure when it's completely ready to go. I also have to fill it up with music again. And then there's my new diary. I like to wonder when I'll have it filled. It's fairly slim, so I'm going to guess that it will be full by the end of 2010. If it makes it to 2011, I'll be surprised.
That's it, that's all. There ain't no more. BYE.

Philosophic

2009-12-26T12:51:00.000-08:00

Another Xmas has come and gone, and I have one week left before I'm back to work. I also have two books waiting for me at the library. I'm presently getting through a book about Hegel. An examination of his works and theories, to be precise. I'm up to the part about the ego and the consciousness. This chapter reminds me of the quote 'to be is to be perceived'. It all goes back to perception, I guess. I know the year isn't over yet, but I think this would be a great time to examine 2009 as I perceived it and make a few remarks about the year. 2009 dawned (for me) with Matthew Arnold and some major introspection. Work was great and I was looking forward to the year and to what it might bring.
I duelled numerous times with my fears and wondered why I was so fear-ridden. When you get down to it, I guess it was fear of the unknown and what bad it may bring to my life. This flies in the face of much of what I have read concerning Buddhism. One should neither embrace the good nor flee the bad, but take both as they come. Of course, there is a big difference between reading this truth and living it. I'm still examining this whole matter, and short of visiting someone skilled in past-life regression, introspection is all I have. It could also be an inherited issue, as I learned during the year as well.
Probably the biggest change in my life was my move into higher independence and solitude. I took possession of my bachelor apartment August 1 of this year. On New Year's Day, it will be 5 months since I moved out of the house. I continue to enjoy every single day of solitude and quiet. No regrets whatsoever about moving out. All in all, this has been a wonderful year of thought and growth. I'll admit I've been lax on some things but right on target with other things. My diary speaks of many books read and reactions made. I'm closing this year down feeling pretty excited about the year to come, and that's pretty good.
I guess that's all I've got for this year. The next post will probably come in January 2010. BYE.

Much misc.

2009-12-18T17:11:00.000-08:00

Ahhhhh. Free at last! Let the Xmas vacation begin! Electronic Arts still hasn't gotten their act together with their patches for Sims 3 and Sims 3 World Adventures. A crying shame, considering how many Simaholics lurk in the shadows, gnashing their teeth and screaming their collective frustration to the uncaring skies. A few pretty words, eh? I don't mind uninstalling if I need to, but I'd rather just play the game and enjoy pushing my Sims around. In the meantime, the fortnight of rest and mass consumption is just around the corner. I need to get mas shopping done. I just felt too lazy to get any shopping done after work today. Saturday is going to be a real beast, so I'll sit it out as well. Monday, I promise!
Time for some meaningless muttering. I'm going to talk about Geoff. The name, not any particular dude with said name. When I was growing up, I knew two dudes named Jeff and as far as I knew, that was the only way one spelled the name. Then came the Geoff to end all Geoffs. Chaucer, the dude who wrote 'The Canterbury tales'. Like the Will to end all Wills (otherwise known as the Bard), Geoffrey Chaucer has long been cherished (or perhaps not, depending on who you are) and respected. But, outside Chaucer, I just assumed that the name had changed and that Jeffrey was the correct spelling. (Oh, and there's also Geoffrey, Count of Anjou, but again, we're going far afield). In the last couple of years, the tide is turning, I have found. It seems every time I turn around, I come across the older/British spelling. Like this guy's name, for instance.
Okay, the meaningless muttering is over. Meanwhile, I started reading a bio on Chaucer, which might explain the make my muttering a little clearer. This book came out in the 1930's and could be better, but I'm only 50 pages in. Better to give this elder a chance, right? Xmas Day in a week's time. Scary, eh? Okay, I guess I'm done. BYE.

Geez, it's cold!

2009-12-11T16:29:00.000-08:00

I'm pitying my car in the morning these days. It's a 2008, so it probably won't conk out any time soon, so long as I keep plugging it in overnight and keep running out during recess to start it for several minutes. Still, I do feel like a brute to put it through such a struggle in the frigid mornings. Is it wrong to pity one's car? Maybe it's better than feeling sorry for myself, having to get up and struggle to the car in the -25 stillness and shiver my way through scraping the windshield. I think I need to spend more time around other living, breathing, individuals. Pitying my car might be a sign of lunacy. Naming it was probably a big mistake. Better to focus pity on the kids that don't bring their tuques, mitts, or scarves because they don't have them at home. There are kids who just don't bring their winter gear because they forget, and I pity them, too.
When it's cold like this, snow doesn't fall, and I would like there to be more snow on the ground. It's looking like a pretty paltry White Christmas out there. I would like to make better use of my boots. The cold also knocks out stop lights, which causes nothing but trouble on the road. This cold weather does keep the roads from being greasy, but I'd rather have slightly warmer weather with lots of snow. No matter how bad the traffic is with snow on the road, I want more snow! There's still a week to go before Xmas break, so I am going to continue to hope for snow.
I finally started my shopping, but there's still a lot of ground to cover, and the malls are going to be insane next week. Maybe I should try ordering stuff online? The one thing my folks were going to get me is now a bad idea until the company that makes this item starts thinking enough to fix all the problems. It's game-related, and that's all I am going to say about it. So, I guess that's about all I have to say for now. BYE.

On the Literary Front #6?

2009-12-05T21:12:00.000-08:00

I'm doggedly working at a rewrite of a project. Much of this is going to get cut back (assuming it ever sees a publisher), but I needed to flesh the world out big time and understand where my protagonist was coming from. I just couldn't see my main character or understand him. How can I send this character on his journey without knowing something about it. Under the previous take of the project, I could barely see him or the world he inhabited. Shame on me! I've also been reading a lot of Cornelia Funke, and her work just makes mine look barren. I guess what I'm writing is just background stuff, which is why it's going to get cut down in time. That or I still won't have enough description. There's no fast and hard rule as to the length of a chapter, and that's something that bugs me. It's a power thing, I guess. Just the need to know what the rules are. In the end, I guess it's just a matter of writing until the chapter feels done.
Of course, an 8 1/2 x 11 page full of description and dialogue is different from the page in a book. I'm not sure how much of the former becomes the latter. It's something I've wondered about for some time. Meanwhile, I've reached ch. 3 in this project and am introducing another character into the mix. A guide of sorts for the protagonist, if you will. One thing I set out to do with this project was to keep prophecy out of the mix as much as possible. As you might know, I find prophecy to be far too prevalent in Fantasy and Sci-fi genres. Of course, without the crutch of prophecy, I've needed to look deeper and see what is driving my protagonist. Is he just a pawn for greater forces or just a guy trying to find his way in the world? I've been trying to put myself in my protagonist's shoes. Not easy with the character I've come up with.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to get through a rather dull book of essays that examine Karl Popper's work and theories. I'm just about done, and I'm close to breathing a sigh of relief about that. This is definitely not a book I wish to revisit in a year's time. Did you know that Xmas break is just two weeks away for me? Pretty remarkable stuff! And my tree is decorated and the snow is finally falling. Time to get started on Xmas shopping! BYE.

School stuff

2009-11-28T05:14:00.000-08:00

Apparently this is the 100th post I've made for this blog, but I've got better things to talk about. Earlier this week, I attended a two-day workshop on Resititution, and my brain was full to overload by the end of it. Restitution is less focused on consequence, and more focused on a student's needs and finding a way to make amends for wrongs done. It's descended from Aboriginal practices, and has been spreading like wildfire across Manitoba. The two schools I work at are getting very much into this concept, and I attended this workshop because I was feeling a little isolated. Mainly, I wanted to reinforce the language and keep things as consistent as possible for the students. I have not had time yet to put the stuff I learned to work, but I have a couple of ideas as to how I want to put said stuff to work. Especially where kids with overdue books are concered. Kids making an inordinate amout of noise (who do it all the time) are another area where this concept can come in handy.
Restitution is defined as follows: Create conditions for the person to fix their mistake and to return to the group strengthened. This is done through a three-fold concept (picture a triangle) of stabilizing the child's identity (mistakes are okay), validating the need (you had a reason for doing what you did), and seeking beliefs (what are this school/classroom's beliefs?). It is accepted that people have five basic needs (survival, belonging, power, fun, freedom), and that these needs have to be filled somehow, whether by good means (friends and family, success in school, freedom of choice, etc...) or by bad (gangs, drugs, etc...). Most folks would prefer the good means, but for some children, that ain't possible.
That was earlier this week. On Thursday and Friday, I held a book fair for one of my schools courtesy of Scholastic. The turnout seemed poorer than last year, but the time flew by faster this year than it did last year, so I don't know. I do know that Scholastic has upped their requirements for getting the 50% credit (the fiends!). I'm thinking that change is coming. The trial will be in March, for the other school has decided to turn its back on Scholastic this year. Good riddance, if you ask me. Anyway, that's all that's been going on in my little world. BYE.

On the Literary Front #4

2009-11-20T20:27:00.001-08:00

The Muse has been slumbering for some time, but with all this talk of NaNoWriMo I've been hearing, I've been thinking of giving the Muse a hard kick in the rear. I've been busy with work, reading, and gaming, and the wanting to write has faded somewhat. After a decade of near-constant writing, I guess it was time to take a break. It isn't that I have nothing to say, but that what I want to say has changed somehow. Apologies if that doesn't make sense. Maybe it's just that I've needed to get settled in my new digs and exult in my freedom before I bow to the Muse. This is something I need to examine further, which I will do in my personal diary. In the meantime, I have two projects I could be working on, but one of these two has become less interesting to me, while the other one has too many things indistinct to me. The main character is not at all visible to me, and I need to make him visible in my mind's eye before I can go and flesh out his world.
I've been reading Cornelia Funke, and her work is magnificient! So much detail and so well-fleshed out are her works. Makes anything I've written seem so stripped down and barren. Fleshing everything out and then cutting back the far is the better way to do things. One problem I have with that is how long to make the chapters. I guess once a scene has climaxed, move on to the next scene. Does that make any sense? And then there's the matter of where to start the story and where to end it. That is one of the hardest parts of writing a story, and I applaud Funke deeply. I also applaud her translator, for I don't understand German. Anyway, I need lessons in creating and fleshing out a world for my protagonist and his fellows.
I need lessons in many other things... especially where getting my Muse stirred up to the point where my fingers are on fire with the desire to write (or type, in this case). Blogging and writing in my journal has taken off some of the edge, maybe, which suggests I may need to drop blogging for a while. Hard to say. Well, that's about all for me. BYE.

Xmas closing in?

2009-11-14T20:46:00.000-08:00

My first Xmas under a new roof, it looks like. Today I went out and bought lights for my window and some Xmas decorations. No tree yet, but there's still time to go and get one. Something in the 4 foot range sounds about right to me, considering my lack of height thereof. The snows that stay have yet to fall, but I'm not impatient to see them fall (yet!) In another week, if the snow hasn't started yet, then I might get a little antsy. I hear about people going to warmer climes to celebrate Xmas. I would just feel very strange if I celebrated Xmas in Mexico, where snow is virtually unknown. The locals in Mexico find their winters cold; imagine how they'd feel if Mexico got even a week of Winnipeg's Winterpeg? Frightening, I should say. Anyway, today it was the Santa Claus Parade in Winnipeg (the 100th anniversary of this event, to be exact). My sister's boyfriend's niece was brought to see it. She probably won't remember this amazing event... meanwhile, I've never been, so it's nothing to me.
Remembrance Day was on Wednesday, and having the day off really threw me for a loop. I didn't sleep too well over the next couple of nights. I went to bed extremely early last night as a result. Now I'm going to bed at a more reasonable hour (12:00, but it's Saturday, so it's all right). Hope that will balance me out. I'll try to get through Aristotle this evening and listen to Enya, and both of these things should relax me. Actually, my brain's been whirring the last couple of nights, duelling with my worries through the night. Totally irrational, I know. Well, I slept all right last night and hopefully I sleep well tonight as well.
Well, I guess that's the end of this mess for today. BYE.

Picture test #2

2009-11-09T18:01:00.000-08:00

Home sweet home (when I 1st moved in)

The nerve centre for my wryness

My pride and joy.

Another view of my digs when I 1st moved in.

Between two Phils

2009-11-01T06:13:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you about the two books I'm currently focusing on. Both are massive, gem-laden tomes, and both demand my attention. One is due back at the library in a few days unless I renew it (which will probably have to happen), while the other is from my personal library, so it ain't going noplace. The latter is called 'Classics of Philosophy', edited by L. Pojman, which I bought for an Intro to Philosophy course back in 1999 or 2000, which I want to get through from cover to cover before I give it to C.D. It's got all the visible pieces by the biggest names, from Anaxaminder and the Pre-Socratics to the minds of the 60's and 70's (I imagine, as I have never peeked at the end of it). I have tried a couple of times to get through it, but somehow never get past Hume, which is somewhere in the middle. I guess one really can't get through this monster unless one tries VERY hard to do so. Well, I'm up to Aristotle now, and I am going to keep it around until I have come to the end of it! That's how stubborn I'm becoming.
The first book I mentioned, the one that needs to go back to the library soon, is called 'Pearls from Peoria', and it's all the gems penned by the fairly good Philip Jose Farmer that were either never published or were published but soon forgotten. I am getting through this one all right, and enjoying the journey for the most part, but I suspect that I will need to renew it if I am going to get through it. That or I take a break from Sims 3 and life in general. Imagine needing to take a break from reading?!! Not in my lifetime (not so far)! It's all a matter of how one fills up one's waking hours. I'd like to think that reading takes up a vital chunk of time. I'd be proud if it did, as a matter of fact.
It is All Saints Day, and Halloween and Daylight Savings Time are over. The snow can fall now with complete and total abandon. Bring on the whiteness of Winter!! Anyway, that's all I can say today. BYE.

Goals... so far

2009-10-25T18:38:00.000-07:00

Been thinking about my goals for the future, and I'm coming to the conclusion that condo is the way to go, but not for a couple of years. Once I've paid off my car, which won't happen for another couple of years, I'll look toward getting a mortgage and my own little condo unit. Feeling so mature at this point, which is rather amusing to me. For now, I'm just going to continue with my brand new lease (sublet no more) and keep paying down my car. I broke 11,000 kms the other day, so, when I do the math, I should hit 100,000 kms in another nine years. I suspect I'll have moved on to another car by then. Assuming hybrids have gone down in price in the next five years. Geez, I'm feeling like such an adult right now. Hopefully that feeling will go away before long.
Had a conversation with my amazing Dad about condos, houses, and apartments. Vacancy rate here in Winnipeg is 1%, but that is going to change, what with all the seniors complexes going up all the time. My wonderful Grandpa lives in one such complex, and there are 60-some people waiting to get into that building (and the three or four like it). That means that 60 houses, condos, and apartments will be going on the market before long. This thought sort've cheered me up, but it made me wonder if there are just too many people alive on the planet today. I know that probably sounds a little negative, but it's how I feel today (and have for the last year or so).
I finished reading Joyce Milgaard's book 'A mother's story' the other day for the third time. I think I'm done with that book now, having looked through it three times over the last few years. It was part of my 'Two Year List', and now I'm done with it. I have yet to start a 'Five Year List', but I highly doubt I'll need to start such a list. Unless 'Indestructible truth' blows me away so much that I feel I need to revisit it in 5 years. I suppose such could happen, but that would leave me with three ongoing lists. I suspect this five year list would be much shorter than either of the other two lists, but no need to cross that bridge until I come to it.
Reading 'Inkspell' right now. Darn Funke! I can't put this book down for long! Taking a break just to mess around in my blog, but I'll be going back to it ASAP. Darn! Okay, this meaningless drivel is done for the week. Maybe I'll have something useful to share with you next time. BYE.

Marking pages, marking time

2009-10-18T19:24:00.000-07:00

Weekends my time is my own, and I spend much of that time reading, navel-gazing, or gaming. Yesterday I went out and did some shopping with my sister. Stuff I needed. Stuff I want can wait until Xmas, and I've already started work on the Xmas list. Meanwhile, I'm trying to get back into reading 'Classics of philosophy'. It's a mammoth book made up of all the greats, and I was having some trouble get through Plato. Now I've finally reached Aristotle, and I can breathe a sigh of relief. Socrates choosing to drink the hemlock continues to bug me, especially when he had the option of making an escape. I know he saw it as submitting to the will of the civilization, but I still think he had a choice in escaping and coming back when the heat was off. I guess he felt that, being in his 70's, he could die before the heat was off. It's one of those things that cannot be answered. I read 'Republic' and enjoyed it somwhat. Are there any oligarchies or timocracies still alive today, or are we all monarchies, democracies, or dictatorships?
This massive book is not from the library, but one I kept from my University days (I decided that I was not going to drop this book until I was done reading it cover-to-cover). I also just finished reading Cornelia Funke's 'Inkheart'. Thick like brick but a good story. I've got 'Inkspell' waiting in the wings, and am on the hunt for 'Inkdeath', which is the 3rd book in the series. I'm wondering when Brendan Fraser is going to star in a movie treatment of 'Inkspell'? I should go and watch 'Inkheart' now that I've gotten through the book a second time. I've heard it's a good movie. Cornelia Funke is a pretty good writer (and her translator is pretty good as well). I read 'Dragon rider' recently as well. Another book I couldn't put down for long.
On the literary horizon, I've got a book about Carl Barks coming up, as well as another foray into Joyce Milgaard's book. I haven't read it in a couple of years, and thought the time was right. But before I go down this path, I've got a ton of Philosophy to get through. And that's what going on with me these days. I'll talk a little more about my navel-gazing later on. Whatever highlights I can come up with, I will post. BYE.

A well-balanced diet

2009-10-10T06:28:00.000-07:00

The mind comes up with many things while hands and feet are driving. Sometimes strange, sometimes deep. I had an attack of the deep while driving from work to visit my folks. I was working out karma in my head yesterday afternoon. I'm sure others have said the same, and that I'm not saying anything new, but for the soul to attain Nirvana, the karma has to be perfectly balanced. Any tipping on the good or the bad and rebirth is assured. Too much bad and the soul is reborn an animal, a hungry ghost, a demon, or a citizen of Hell. Too much good and the soul is reborn a jealous god (angel, maybe?) or a god. I'm suggesting that being reborn as a god is no better than being reborn as a demon. Both are states of complete and total ignorance, and can only end once the karmic excess is worked off. This is pretty deep stuff, and what's even more suprising, I haven't been reading much Buddhist material lately. Just my semi-Buddhist-eyes looking within, I guess.
Just a digression before I go on: For all I know, I could be completely and totally wrong. Do not take anything I say as gospel. Okay, moving right along.... Once the scales are totally balanced, the soul is born a human and attainment is possible, but only by keeping the scales balanced in the human life. Right actions (thought/word/deed) and so forth. Of course, this is rarely easy, so the scales can get unbalanced pretty quickly, which usually ends up in another rebirth. Based on one's karma, this next life might be human, and might be better or worse than the last one. One might need a few lifetimes to make up for one where the soul is a demon or a citizen of Hell. There are just too many karmic threads and twists to determine how it all works. It would be nice to know how it works, but that's just going to have to wait for another time.
In the meantime, Thanksgiving is just around the corner here in Canada, and I'm gearing up for an amazingly full belly and enough turkey to last for days. My sister loves turkey, so between her and my dad, that bird should be gone by Tuesday. Maybe. Thanksgiving Monday the schools are closed. Three-day weekend! Something indeed to feel thankful for. I may post an entry on Monday saying what I'm grateful for, but I'm not sure yet. The folks south of the border have to wait another month for their fully-loaded turkey with all the trimmings. Nyah-nyah! Okay, I think I'm done for now. BYE.